Torn
by BlueHeeler
Summary: Set straight after season 4. I always loved Jim and wished we could have seen more of Kate and him together. I also thought more could have been made of the Mike/Kate/Jim love triangle, so wrote this story. Plenty of angst, but plenty of fun as well. Re-post from sea-patrol .com.
1. Chapter 1

_Authors Notes: Hopefully a nice easy start to a story that will have plenty of twists and turns. All feedback greatly appreciated._

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Chapter 1

After Hammersley returned to port, Mike and Kate went to Navcom for a quick debrief with Maxine before joining the rest of crew at the pub for farewell drinks with Bomber. Not long after they arrived, the rest of the crew decided they wanted to head off to a nightclub. Mike made his excuses saying he needed some rest while Kate said goodbye to Bomber and told Dutchy she thought her clubbing days were behind her, getting a knowing smile for her efforts.

As the rest of the crew headed off, Kate offered to walk Mike home. They had a few minutes of awkward conversation, mostly small talk, neither able to bring up what they really wanted to talk about, before walking the rest of the way in silence.

When they reached his house, Mike unlocked his front door and took a few steps inside while Kate stayed nervously on the doorstep. "Well, if you're sure you're ok, I'd better be going." Kate said.

"Kate, I need you to know, starting tomorrow I'm going to be doing everything I can to get off Hammersley, starting with my meeting in the morning with Maxine." Mike said as he took a step back towards Kate.

"I know." Kate said almost whispering. "There's always the possibility that I could leave.." Kate trailed off as she looked up into Mike's eye's.

"It's my time to move on." Mike said, taking another step closer to Kate. "Kate, don't leave tonight. I thought I was going to die today and all I could think about was that I wanted was to see you one more time, touch you one more time," he said reaching up to touch Kate's face, "kiss you one more time." He said quietly as he leant down and placed a soft kiss on Kate's lips.

"Mike," Kate said softly using every ounce of self control to stop herself from responding to his kiss, and not just go with the moment, "If we're going to do this, it has to be for good this time. You can't leave in the middle of the night for another posting, or come back on Hammersley." Her voice pleading, "I can't do this again and then pretend it didn't happen," her voice barely above a whisper as her lips caressed his cheek while his continued kissing down her cheek to her neck.

"Kate," Mike replied as he lifted Kate's chin forcing her to look into his eyes, "I'm not going anywhere. And I'm especially not going back on Hammersley. Whatever happens, the only thing I want is to be with you."

Kate looked into his eyes and seeing the sincerity in them, and hearing the desperation in his voice she realised there wasn't a rule in the book big enough to keep them apart. Moving closer towards him, her lips brushed his, he responded by pushing his lips onto hers. Instantly the kiss turned into desperate kisses, full of passion and need for each other, the rest of the world disappearing. So absorbed in each other, neither noticed the car pulling up outside Mike's, only to take off again as he picked Kate up, closed his front door, and carried her into his bedroom.

Kate woke up feeling happy the next morning. The kind of happy feeling you get when you've had a good dream – only this was better because it was real. Mike was back in her life and not as a CO or friend, but as her lover and partner. As she looked over to where Mike should be, she saw that he was gone, replaced with a droopy couple of flowers and a note:

_Morning Kate_

_My meeting at Navcom got moved up. I didn't want to wake you, you looked so peaceful, and you need your rest..._

_Don't worry, I'll be back as soon as I can,_

_Mike_

_Ps. Sorry about the quality of flowers – they were all I could find in the garden at short notice._

Kate smiled. Getting up, she realised that one night of passion could result in several practical issues, the only clothes she had were the ones worn the night before, and she had no toiletries. She knew she would have to go home at some point today, but there was no way she was leaving before Mike came back.

Meanwhile, at Navcom Mike and Maxine were engaged in a quiet but very heated argument.

"Mike I have made my decision, now deal with it and get out of here!" Maxine said trying to get Mike out of here office.

"I don't accept it. If you won't let me off Hammersley, then Kate will transfer." Mike said still trying to force the issue.

"Unless it's for an interstate posting I won't allow it." Maxine said pulling rank.

"Then one or both of us will leave the Navy, there is now way we are both staying on Hammersley. This isn't just some fling Maxine." Mike said pleading with Maxine.

"Don't be stupid Mike. If the two of you can stay above suspicion for 6 months I'll bring you back here. I'll even re-consider promoting Kate." Trying a softer approach of explaining her reasons again. "It's like I said Mike, there are already rumours about the two of you. Chances are most of your crew know, and last night Ryan and I saw you. I'm doing you a favour here, if you were any other sailor you would be facing disciplinary action. And think about the position you have put me in. If I bring you back here and promote Kate it will look like I knew what was going on, and if Canberra find out I could end up in as much trouble as you two. If I force you both to stay on Hammersley it could actually help to stop the rumours." Maxine said as there was a knock at her door.

Mike looked out the window as a young sailor entered and passed Maxine a folder before leaving again.

"The Hammersley is being crash sailed Mike. There is a mayday not far off the coast and no other boats are in the area." Maxine said getting back to business.

"You can't be serious. This conversation isn't over.." Mike said before Maxine cut him off.

"Yes it is. 6 months Mike. Here are your orders, you should be back before tonight." Maxine said handing Mike the folder that had been given to her, indicating the conversation was over.

Mike left Navcom feeling sick. Normally he would have hated crash-sailing the crew, but that was the furthest thing from his mind at the moment. Kate was going to kill him, and the worst part was he deserved it. He went over and over it in his mind, but there was no good way to tell her that he had been ordered to stay on Hammersley.

When he arrived home his heart sank even further, telling Kate of Maxine's decision was made even tougher by what he saw. Kate was in his kitchen. Her hair was wet from a shower, she was in her jeans wearing one of his t-shirts. If it was possible she looked even better than when he had left her earlier in the morning.

"I was just making some breakfast, would you like some?" Kate asked as she turned around to look at Mike, "Mike you look terrible, what happened?" She asked forgetting about the breakfast and moving to be closer to Mike.

"Kate, sit down, you're not going to like this." Mike said as he took her hands in his and walked over to sit down on his couch.

To Be Continued


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors Notes: Just a reminder that this is set after season 4 so Mike is still just Ryan's god-father...Thanks for reading...all feedback greatfully accepted._

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Chapter 2

Feeling nervous, but thinking the best approach was to spit it out, Mike explained everything as quickly as he could. Maxine had seen them kiss the night before and in an effort to stop the rumours about them she was keeping them both on Hammersley. And to top it off, they had been crash sailed and were due onboard in 1 hour.

"What rumours Mike? What are you not telling me?" Trying to hold back tears, Kate moved away from Mike, unable to look at him. "I practically begged you not to do this, not to end up back on Hammersley."

"You have to believe me, I tried to get my shore posting back. I'll keep trying, I'm not giving up. I'm not giving up on us. We just have to stay above suspicion, nobody needs to know," Mike said reaching out to take Kate's hand. Her reaction confused him, he was expecting fireworks, or at the very least some yelling, but Kate turned cold and distant which was scaring the hell out of him.

Suddenly feeling defeated, "You've already agreed to Maxine's conditions haven't you?" Kate asked removing her hand from underneath Mike's.

"I didn't have a choice, she made it an order." Mike replied softly, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

Kate couldn't speak, getting up from the couch, she walked back into Mike's bedroom to change out of his shirt and into her own. Mike nervously followed her, his brain in overdrive trying to find the right words, but everything that popped up in his head seemed wrong, so he remained silent.

"You know what hurts the most," Kate started turning around to face him, "it's that you didn't even talk to me about this. We could have figured something out, one or both of us could have left the Navy, but you just decide that we can wait another 6 months. In 6 months time there will be something else. It's the story of our lives. I can't guarantee that I'll still be here, I've waited long enough." Kate said as she turned to leave.

"Kate, please don't leave like this. This wasn't my choice." Mike pleaded with Kate as she turned to face him once more.

"I'll see you onboard, Sir." Kate spat out as she turned and walked out the door.

Mike was rooted to the spot, powerless to stop her from leaving. He wasn't sure what hurt more, her retreating to calling him Sir, hearing the door slam shut, or turning around to see the flowers that he had left her had been placed in a glass of water. Flowers that had been a bit of an afterthought, that were half dead, and that he wasn't sure weren't weeds.

Maybe the flowers were a reflection of their relationship, hopeful but destined to fail. He walked over to them and threw them in the bin in disgust. The way he saw it he really didn't have a choice, he just had to keep it together for 6 more months and hope that Kate would still be around.

When Mike finally made his way down to the docks, he wasn't surprised to see Kate was already on board getting things organised for their departure. He was surprised however to see Ryan, in a Navy uniform.

"Hi Mike," Ryan said, "or should that be Sir now?" He asked as Mike looked at him slightly confused. "I finally joined up and have been posted on Hammersley. That's what Mum and I were coming over last night to tell you, but..." Ryan said as his gaze shifted temporarily to Kate and back to Mike, "Don't worry, Mum told me to keep quiet."

Mike nodded, realizing the full extent of the trouble he could have caused. "Have you been taken care of here?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's all good. 2Dads has been showing me the ropes." Ryan said before 2Dads called out to him to help move some gear, while Kate walked over to Mike.

"Sir, everyone is on board and we are ready to leave," Kate said barely able to look at Mike, "Dutchy is on watch, so I'll be in my cabin." Kate said before turning to leave.

Again, Mike was powerless to stop her leaving, not knowing what to say. There was no way they were going to be able to avoid each other for 6 months, but the least he could do was keep his distance today and give her some space.

It took 3 hours to reach the mayday, and Kate couldn't leave with the boarding party quick enough. Charge assured her that it was a simple fix, and she opted to send the rest of the crew back to Hammersley while she stayed behind with him until the other boat was fixed. As they made their way back to Hammersley Mike could tell something had happened, Kate was holding her face and Charge looked worried. The crew knew there was a problem was when the RHIB was lifted back onboard.

Before anyone could say anything, Charge called out "Ah, someone might need to get Swain. The X sort of copped a blow to the face."

"Sort of? Charge, what happened?" Mike asked worriedly, coming down to see them.

"Sir, it was an accident, I swear. I didn't hear her come in, I sort of swung the wrench to hit the engine and...I hit the X by accident. She swears she's fine," Charge explained before Kate spoke up.

"_She's _right here you know, and I am fine. Although the drinks are on you tonight Charge." Kate said placing a hand on Charge's back, reassuring him that everything was fine, as she found her feet back on Hammersley. Mike looked at Kate and was desperate to make sure she was OK. Desperate to reach out to her, touch her and see for himself that she was alright. But there was nothing he could do and for the third time that day he had to watch as Kate walked away from him, his heart sinking.

Down in the wardroom Swain had checked Kate out, patched up the cut under her eye and passed her an ice pack to try and stop the bruising. "Sorry about this Ma'am, I guess it's not exactly how you planned on spending your day this morning."

"Actually, given how my morning was going, getting hit in the face with a wrench has been the highlight of my day." Kate said, trying to force a smile.

"Well, that's concerning on a different level, but this all seems fine. It will bruise, but nothing that won't heal." Swain said chuckling a little while trying to imagine how bad a morning would have to be for this to be a highlight. Swain moved back allowing Kate to leave the ward room and go back to her cabin.

Kate stayed in her cabin for the rest of the trip back. This was the first time that she could remember not only hating the Navy, but hating being at sea. She wanted to get back to land as quickly as possible and away from Mike and Hammersley. Truth is that given the choice this morning she would have considered leaving the Navy. In fact she would have seriously considered it, especially after everything that had happened with the sub then finding Mike alive, she had seriously questioned her priorities in life. But Mike deciding they could wait another 6 months was too much for her to handle.

For the first time in her career, Kate was one of the first sailors off the ship when it docked, avoiding another encounter with Mike. She went home to change before joining the others at the pub. As she walked inside she took a moment to scan the room before she spotted the crew, without Mike, in one of the corners, with Charge at the bar buying the first round.

All of a sudden, there was a male voice from behind Kate. "Excuse me, but don't I know you from somewhere?"

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

_Authors Notes: Thanks again to everyone who is following and especially those who have left feedback. Here is the next installment..._

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Chapter 3

Kate was woken up from her thoughts of Mike by a vaguely familiar male voice behind her, "Excuse me, but don't I know you from somewhere?"

Kate turned around, coming face to face with Jim, standing there with a cheesy grin on his face. Before she could speak, he spoke again. "That looks painful, what happened?" He asked concerned and pointing to the cut and now very large bruise on her face.

"Ah, bit of an incident with a crew member and a wrench." Kate replied trying to dismiss the injury, still somewhat stunned to see him again. He looked good, actually he looked even better than last time she had seen him.

"Kate, I know you are strict with the crew, but if it's gotten to the point where they are hitting you with tools, you have probably gone too far." Jim said trying to maintain a serious tone.

"Hmm. I'll have to give that some thought." Kate said matching his tone before they both smiled.

"Are you free for a drink? You can fill me in on all the exciting things the Navy has had you doing since I last saw you?" Jim asked hopefully.

Kate looked over to where the crew were gathered, they were all laughing at what looked like something 2Dads had said. As much as she didn't want to be alone, she also didn't really want to be with the crew, not tonight. Funnily, she hadn't thought of Jim all that often since their break up, but now, standing in front of her, she relished the idea of sharing a drink with him. Chatting with him had always been so easy. "Sure, but only if we sit over there." Kate said pointing to a table on the other side of the bar.

Kate and Jim sat opposite each other as they talked about what had happened in their lives since they last saw each other. Jim was still single, had gone on a few more internet dates, but after the last one which had ended up being a mad woman, he had given up.

He asked Kate about her life and even though she was reluctant to divulge much he learned that she was still on Hammersley, and so was Mike. But as soon as he asked about their relationship she shut down and wouldn't say much more about her current circumstances, choosing instead to talk about Nav and Buffer leaving, ET's death and Dutchy and 2Dads joining the crew.

Even though their conversation was easy, Jim knew Kate well enough to know she was distracted by something, but didn't know what. She threw the occasional glance at the crew, but he knew it wasn't them she was bothered by.

Jim was filling Kate in on some of his adventures when they were interrupted by a lour roar coming from the crew. Kate looked over to see Mike and Ryan had now joined them. It wasn't all that surprising that they would both turn up, it was Ryan's first trip out, and Mike would want to join him for his first night with the crew. Despite her current company, Kate couldn't take her eyes off Mike. His eyes were searching the room looking for her, and when he found her they both froze.

Kate didn't miss the emotion on his face change to jealousy when she saw him recognize Jim. On one hand she was glad he was jealous, but on the other, she would have given anything to be sitting with him instead. Jim didn't miss their reactions to each other, clearly not much had been resolved since he last saw Kate. He continued talking to Kate, but her attention only turned back to him when she heard him laugh, both realising that she hadn't taken in a single thing he had said since Mike had turned up.

"Is there any chance you want to get out of here?" Kate asked ignoring whatever it was Jim was laughing at and finishing the last of her drink.

"Sure, you look like you could do with some fun, and I know just the place." Jim said as his drink disappeared and the two walked out of the pub together, watched closely by Mike.

Mike couldn't believe what he was seeing. He knew Kate might not wait around for 6 months, but had she really moved on in one day? He was bought back to reality by Charge slapping him on the back announcing that it was the CO's shout.

Jim led Kate out of the pub and they walked together, chatting about nothing in particular before Jim broached the subject of Mike. "So, you want to talk about what happened back there?" Jim said looking at Kate for any sign of emotion.

"Not really," Kate said looking straight ahead, "Let's just say that the way my life is going I'm not sure whether I should go home and drink, or trust you with whatever you have planned. The latter being the easiest option." Kate said trying to force a smile.

"Easiest and best," Jim said enthusiastically, "you'll feel much better after we kill a couple of dinosaurs, we're here." Jim announced as he walked inside an arcade parlour leaving a confused Kate following behind him.

"Jim..what is this...what are we...Dinosaurs?..This is a..video games?" Kate stammered, giving Jim her full attention since she saw Mike.

Kate was taking far too long for Jim's liking so he walked back, took her hand in his and pulled her inside the arcade parlour, straight toward his favourite game, Jurassic Park – The Lost World. "Take a seat in here," Jim said as he pushed Kate into one side of the machine while he ran around and sat on the other side, "your gun's down there, I'll teach you the other controls as we go, but basically if it's a dinosaur, you kill it." Jim said turning to Kate smiling, slightly amused that getting her to play an arcade game had been so easy. "Ready?" Jim asked.

"As I'll ever be." Kate responded, holding her gun and watching the screen in front of them intently to see what would happen.

The two of them sat and continued to play for around an hour. Jim showed Kate how to use the gaming controls, something she picked up with ease, claiming years of using the EOD had prepared her well. As the time passed, Kate and Jim became more comfortable in each other's company. With the noise of the game, talking wasn't always possible so there was various taps on the shoulder or pats on the back to communicate, and that was in-between the laughter.

Once they gained the top score, they decided it was time to leave. Outside the parlour, Kate did a quick scan of the street to see if there was anyone around that she knew, which did not go unnoticed by Jim.

"Looking for anyone in particular?" Jim asked walking out behind her.

"Just any of the crew," Kate said turning to Jim, "I don't really want to explain what I was doing here." Kate said as Jim laughed. "Thanks Jim, for tonight, I needed it, and it was good to see you again." Kate said looking up to Jim's eyes.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Jim asked with a slight mocking in his tone.

"No..I..It's just...I live a couple of blocks away, and I need to be up early tomorrow for the start of our patrol." Kate replied feeling a little bit nervous.

"Well then, I'll walk you home." Jim said not wanting the evening to end just yet.

Kate smiled and nodded in acceptance of Jim's offer and the two walked back to Kate's place. The mood on the walk back was much lighter than their previous walk. There was their usual Navy/Army banter, some more laughter and reminiscing about old times.

As they reached her house, Kate realised that she had really enjoyed herself and enjoyed Jim's company, it was easy and uncomplicated. Kate didn't want the evening to end, unsure if she actually wanted to be with Jim or just didn't want to be alone, but either way she didn't want him to leave.

"You feel like a coffee?" Kate asked, suddenly feeling nervous.

To Be Continued


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks again to everyone for reading, all feedback is welcome. Not too sure what the true MK fans will think of this chapter...in my defence I told you all at the beginning that I always loved Jim...and don't be too dissolutioned, there will be more of Mike in future chapters..._

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Chapter 4

"You feel like a coffee?" Kate asked, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Sure...that would be nice," Jim replied following Kate into her place, and into her kitchen. As they walked in, the atmosphere changed from relaxed to something a little more uneasy and tense. Neither of them knew what the other wanted, or expected, from the night. If they were being honest, neither of them knew what they wanted for themselves.

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?" Kate asked breaking the silence while she made the coffee's.

"That depends on the question," Jim said with a wry smile.

Kate paused for a moment trying to find the right words before asking the question. She knew it might not be the right time, but then there was probably never going to be a right time. "Last time, why did you leave? I mean, I guess I know why, it's just, why didn't you stay?" Kate asked as she took the coffee's to the table and took a seat opposite Jim, looking at him intently.

"I guess I just didn't want to be someone's second choice. Looking back at it I don't think you even realised it at the time, but some part of you was hung up on him, maybe it still is. Initially I thought it was one sided, but after Mike was injured and seeing you in the wardroom with him, I realized it was mutual." Jim saw Kate shift uncomfortably in her seat while he spoke. "We had fun Kate, and if I had stayed we could have kept having fun, but I wanted something serious, and you weren't ready for that. Not with me anyway." Jim said honestly. "I always thought that after the accident you two would get together."

"How has your search been going?" Kate asked, not able to look at Jim this time, and trying to shift the conversation.

"Well, I already told you that I am still single, so the search has not been very successful, in fact it has been going appallingly badly." Jim stated as they both laughed a little. "I've been thinking about revising my methods. Seeing you tonight and finding out you are still single...well if you want to have some fun for a while, maybe you could give me a chance to turn that second place into first." Jim tried playfully, hoping she would agree.

"Fun..ah..um..is..." Kate stuttered as she began to blush a little, "the whole friends with benefits thing has never really been my scene, it's...um," Kate's cheeks become a deep shade of red when Jim began to laugh.

"Kate, I was just talking about spending some time together, maybe even a few dates, nice to know what you're thinking about though." Jim said still laughing a little. He watched in amusement as Kate began to smile then laugh, realising the reason none of his other relationships had been successful is that he wasn't willing to settle for a second choice any more than he wanted to be a second choice. For him Kate was still in first, and seeing her tonight he would fight for her, especially after finding out that Kate and Mike were still not together.

At the beginning of the night, Kate had felt uncomfortable under Jim's gaze, but now, she craved it. Maybe it was just a bit of an ego boost after feeling rejected by Mike again, or perhaps seeing Jim again had stirred some unfinished emotions. For all she knew they might have still been together if he had not said his goodbyes on that fateful day in the hospital almost two years ago.

Both feeling somewhat uncomfortable to enter into such a deep conversation they turned back to light-hearted chit chat as they continued to drink their coffee until a knock at the door interrupted them.

Mike had made his excuses and left the rest of the crew at the pub. After seeing Kate leaving with Jim, all he could think about was chasing after her to try and convince her not to move on from him. To plead with her to wait while he tries to get of Hammersley again. To try and explain that being posted back as CO wasn't what he wanted. He had no idea where they had gone, but he took a chance and walked past Kate's place. Seeing the light was still on, he took a chance and knocked on the door. When Kate opened the door he noticed her face change from smiling to being completely emotionless, and he was grateful that her initial emotion wasn't anger.

That was until he looked past Kate and saw Jim standing in the hallway.

Kate watched Mike's reaction change just as he had watched hers. The jealousy was still very much there, but there was also something else. Disappointment. Kate wasn't sure if he was disappointed in her for spending time with Jim, or himself for allowing it to happen, but either way he was definitely disappointed.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Kate finally spoke. "Is there something I can help you with Sir?" She asked as a knot tightened around her stomach. For some reason she was feeling guilty, even though she knew she was doing nothing wrong. Jim was right, there was still a part of her that was hung up on him.

"I...ah..Just wanted to check you were ok?" Mike half asked, half stated. He watched as anger and confusion flashed across Kate's face, "The blow you took from Charge, I just wanted to make sure you were ok?" Mike clarified. It was in no way what he wanted to ask, but he had to come up with something while Jim was standing there.

"It's like a lot of things Sir, hurts at first, but you get over it. Swain has already told you I'm fine." Kate replied, Mike not missing the double meaning. "If there is nothing else Sir?" Kate asked hoping Mike would take the hint and leave.

"I'll see you onboard tomorrow." Mike said taking one last look at Kate before turning around and leaving.

Kate stood and watched Mike leave before she silently closed the door and took a deep breath before turning back to Jim.

"That's good of your CO to be concerned about your welfare." Jim said as Kate turned around. It was clear to him that not much had changed where Mike was concerned and he was still very much in second place, but this time he was going to stay and fight for her. When he left last time, he thought she would be happier without him. But here, in her hallway, he could see that she was anything but happy, and that was one thing he had on his side – he could make her laugh.

"Jim.."Kate started before he interrupted her.

"Kate, it's ok. I'm on your side. But, I better get going. First night in town so I need to find my way back to the temp accommodation." Jim said walking towards Kate and the door.

"I guess it is late, temp accommodation is never that great, did you want to stay on the couch?" Kate asked without even thinking about what the question meant.

Jim chuckled at Kate's question. "Kate, maybe I didn't make myself clear earlier, if ever do reach the point where I am sleeping over, I don't want it to be on the couch."

As he reached her he raised his hand to her face, tucking some loose strands of hair behind her ear before running his thumb across her bruised cheek. "I left my number on your message pad, give me a call next time you are in port, if you want to have some fun that is."

Jim leaned in to give Kate as kiss, mostly on her cheek, but just touching the edge of her lips. His lips lingering on her for much longer than he had anticipated. It was the perfect kiss to show Kate that he didn't want to just be friends, but he wasn't going to push her either.

Jim pulled back from the kiss and could see from Kate's face that he might have more of a chance than he had thought. "Goodnight," He said simply as he opened the door and walked out.

"Goodnight." Kate said after he had already taken a few steps through her door. It had taken her a moment to come to her senses after Jim had touched her face and kissed her. It may not have been the earth shattering passionate kiss that she had shared with Mike the night before, but it was enough to make her breath hitch and put doubts in her mind about what she was really doing with Mike.

Kate knew she was going to have a couple of choices to make. She had no idea what she was going to do, but the one thing she did know was that she needed sleep.

To Be Continued


	5. Chapter 5

_Authors notes: Thanks to everyone for reading/commenting/following. Just a note to the Guest review who was feeling sorry for Mike - at the time I wrote this I was angry at SP so took my frustration out on Mike. Season 4 really led us down the MK path, partucularly in the final, so when I heard that MK were both staying Hammersley in Season 5 I became a little dissolutioned. Then when I heard Jim was coming back, I got excited and wrote this fic...Hang in there..._

_Also, just a reminder that this is pre-season 5, so Mike is still only Ryan's god-father...the way it should have always been..._

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Chapter 5

Kate and Mike sat in Maxine's office listening their orders for their patrol. It was a tense meeting with Kate and Mike were barely able to look at each other. Kate was feeling somewhat guilty about the night before and Mike feeling jealous and sad that Kate seemed to have moved on so quickly, wondering if he really meant anything to her at all.

Neither of them were able to make eye contact with Maxine, both feeling angry towards her. Sensing the tension between Mike and Kate, Maxine was wondering if she was making the right decision sending them out on a patrol together. With the official briefing over, Maxine needed to know they were going to be able to complete this patrol. "Listen, a ship can't operate when it's CO and XO can't work together. Whatever happened, or hasn't happened between you, you both need get over it." Maxine said with a stern tone, knowing full well the cause of the tension. Ryan had told her that Kate had left the pub early with another man.

"We wouldn't have to if you'd bring me back to NAVCOM and promote Kate to CO." Mike said looking directly to Maxine.

Kate finally shifted her gaze to Mike, she knew he had been serious about not wanting to be back on Hammersley, but she couldn't quite believe he would challenge Maxine like this with her in the room. The knot in her stomach tightened, maybe she had been too harsh on him after all, maybe he really could do nothing but bide the time until they could be together.

Maxine glared at Mike. There was no way any other sailor would speak to her like this. He was getting away with it because they were friends, but she would only let him take it so far. "I have already explained why that can't happen right now, and since we spoke last there is another reason." Maxine paused as she turned to look to Kate, "Gorski has been making some claims," At the mention of his name, Kate turned back to look at Maxine.

"Claims?" Kate barely managed to get out, hating how weak it sounded.

"He is claiming that he was unarmed and surrendering, but you continued to threaten him with your weapon, and were eventually restrained by your crew who had to disarm you." Maxine explained.

"It's not how it sounds Ma'am." Kate said looking to her hands.

"I figured as much. Gorski hasn't got too many friends at the feds, or here, so no-one's taking the claims seriously. But if you were to go for a promotion right now, these are the sorts of things that can count against you." Maxine said as Kate nodded. "Right, well you have your orders, time to head off." Maxine said dismissing the officers.

The awkwardness between Kate and Mike continued once again and did not go unnoticed by Maxine as they tried to walk through the door of her office. At first they both stood back, waiting for the other to walk through and when neither made a move, they both pushed forward trying to walk through at the same time. The standoff ended when Mike took a clear step back and waited for Kate to walk through, taking a deep breath and rolling her eyes as she did, before he followed.

Maxine watched the interaction with amusement. She wondered how many of these moments she had missed between them, and how two people had managed to turn walking through a door so complicated.

As they walked outside the doors to Navcom, Mike could not resist asking about what he had just heard from Maxine. "You never told me about Gorski," he said, his voice full of emotion, stopping Kate in her tracks, "did someone really need to disarm you?" Looking intensely at her.

Bringing back so many painful memories, she looked up at him tears gathering in her eyes, "Swain..he...I thought you were dead."

"Kate, at some point we need to talk about everything." Mike said as he looked back to Kate.

"This is hardly the time or place, Sir. We are due onboard." Kate said attempting to gain back her composure and return to professional mode.

"I know that." He replied softly, "It's why I came over last night, but you were otherwise occupied." Mike said trying to keep the feelings of jealousy out of his voice.

Kate couldn't do this here and now, too much emotional turmoil, too many complications. This patrol was going to be hard enough and she wanted to draw a line between professional and personal. She straightened her back, shook her head and started to walk away, but she only managed a few steps before realizing that Mike deserved an explanation. If it had been him with an ex-girlfriend at his place, she would have thought she deserved one. She stopped and turned back to him, but couldn't look him in the eye.

"It wasn't planned, he just happened to be at the pub. We went out and had some fun, uncomplicated fun as friends, he left just after you did." Kate said, turning her gaze to him.

"So he's gone then?" Mike asked hopefully. He was fishing for information and they both knew it.

"No," Kate said looking down again, "He's up here for a while." Kate replied nervously as her voice faded.

"Right," Mike said as he nodded, "Are you going to see him again?" He asked, his voice cracking as he did.

"Maybe." Kate said avoiding looking at the hurt she knew she had just caused. Again, she knew he deserved an explanation. "It's...It's uncomplicated. You and I can't go out to dinner, even as friends, without looking over our shoulder to see if someone has seen us, worrying about how it could be interpreted by Command. I miss having fun. Being able to go out, laugh, have someone over for coffee without worrying about the rules. It's just...I don't know anymore." Kate tried to explain. She knew they were due on Hammersley so before Mike had a chance to say anything, she turned and started walking to the docks.

The truth of the matter was, Mike didn't know what to say. He could see Kate's point, but that doesn't mean he liked it. He knew that Kate had feelings for Jim in the past, and she never told him why they broke up. Not knowing what to do, he followed her down to Hammersley. She was right with one thing, the patrol was going to be tough.

Their four week patrol had been more than tense. Kate and Mike had found a way to work together when they had to, but there was none of the friendly banter they had experienced on previous patrols. Kate seemed to struggle more with the tension than Mike, who threw himself into his work. She found it difficult to sleep and food looked less and less appealing as the patrol went on. Even the crew had commented on her behaviour a few times, a couple of them approaching Swain to see if he knew what was wrong with the X.

He had approached Kate a few times and asked if she was all right, and every time she replied that she was fine. She looked so tense, tired and irritable all the time so Swain could only think that it was hormonal. In the final week of the patrol, and with no changes in her behaviour, he dared to ask her if she would like him to do a pregnancy test on her, but she simply replied with a bit of a laugh saying "I wish the problem was that simple".

Dutchy had attempted to approach the CO about the tense atmosphere between him and Kate, but every time he plucked up the courage something interrupted them. There were plenty of boardings to keep them busy and luckily they were all routine.

Everyone sighed with relief when they saw Cairns coming into sight, it had been a long four weeks with an unrecognizable CO and very moody XO. The crew was so glad to get away they did not even invite the two most senior officers to the pub.

As soon as Kate arrived home she thought about calling Jim. She desperately needed a distraction, but then she did not want to do the wrong thing by Mike either. Before making any decisions, she needed to know if any of the chemistry they shared was still there, or if she should let go and move on.

Contemplating whether to call first or not, she decided to surprise him. Walking up to his front door, bottle of wine in hand, feeling a bit nervous of the outcome, she took a deep breath before knocking. Before she had a chance to knock, she heard laughter resonating from inside Mike's house. She looked through one of his windows to see who was inside, and what she saw almost broke her heart.

Mike was sitting on his couch with Maxine, with Ryan in front of them looking very animated as he told them a story. Kate didn't miss the way Maxine leant back against Mike, or the way he moved to place his arm around her as they both laughed at whatever it was Ryan was saying. Kate was drawn to something very different in Mikes face. The furrowed brow or concerned look he often had on patrol was gone, replaced with something much more happy and relaxed. It was something she didn't see very often, and certainly didn't see it when they were alone together.

As Kate watched the scene unfold, the anger inside her rose. She didn't even know what or who she was angry at. Mike for doing the same thing has her and enjoying spending time with someone other than her? Maxine for keeping them both on Hammersley, and possibly having some ulterior motives for doing so? Or Ryan? She didn't even know what the kid had done, but he was there and that was enough. She couldn't watch anymore. Kate left the bottle of wine on the doorstep and turned to leave with only one thing on her mind – there was a phone call she could make.

To be continued


	6. Chapter 6

_Authors notes: A slightly longer chapter here...It's probably my favorite chapter...hopefully you will agree that it's worth it! _

_Thanks again to everyone who is reading and has left feedback...It makes posting worth the effort._

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Chapter 6

Suddenly everything made sense, Maxine was using any excuse she could think of to keep Mike on the boat in an attempt to keep them apart and have him for herself. For some reason, she had just not seen it before now, and the worst part was Mike looked happy with her. Leaving the bottle of wine on the doorstep, Kate turned around and left. As she walked into her house she went straight for the phone, picked it up and dialled.

"Jim, hi, its Kate." She said as if he wouldn't know who had called him. "I was just wondering if you were free for a drink tonight?" Kate asked and held her breath for the answer.

"Tonight? You don't give a bloke much notice do you." Jim said laughing. He was stalling for time, he could hear in her voice that Kate was upset and hated that he was about to turn her down. "I have some night drills on tonight, but that means I'm free tomorrow, so we can do something then if you like?" Jim offered, hating that he couldn't drop everything to be with her.

"Tomorrow? Sure, sounds good. I'll see you then." Kate replied about to hang up, hoping that he hadn't made an idiot of herself by ringing him.

"Oi Kate," Jim called out, "Don't drink that entire bottle of wine by yourself. I'll see you at 10 tomorrow." Jim said as they both hung up.

Kate looked at the corkscrew in her hand and the bottle of wine on her bench, and wondered how Jim knew her so well. Shaking her head, she threw the corkscrew back in the draw, the bottle of wine in the fridge and settled down in front of the TV for a night of restless sleep on the couch. She could not bring herself to sleep in her cold bed, not after seeing Mike and Maxine together.

As night turned into day Kate woke up relieved that she wouldn't be spending the day by herself. Getting up from the lounge she saw that she still had a couple of hours before Jim would arrive so she busied herself with showering, breakfast and cleaning her already clean place. She was thankful when at 10 o'clock she heard a knock at her door.

Jim spoke first as Kate opened the door. "Kate you look.." He said smiling as he looked Kate up and down before his face changed to show concern, "actually you look terrible. What have they banned you from sleeping? Plus you are dressed wrong, not that you don't look nice, it just won't work for today." Jim said placing his hands on Kate's shoulders to turn her around and back to her bedroom to change. "We're going hiking, so sandals and cream pant's aren't going to work."

"Hiking? I don't have hiking gear," Kate said turning to face Jim, "I do have an old pair of Navy boots.." Kate said walking into her room, closing the door behind her, to change. In no time at all, she walked back out in Jeans, boots and a more appropriate top and jacket. "Better?" Kate asked catching Jim's attention.

"Well, maybe not better, but certainly more appropriate. Let's go." Jim said walking out the door. As they walked out Kate saw what could only be described as an old beat up truck sitting in her driveway.

"Interesting car," Kate commented, half smirking turning to Jim.

"It belongs to a mate of mine. We need a 4-wheel-drive for where we are headed. After you..." Jim said opening the door for Kate to climb in.

As they drove off, Jim refused to tell Kate where they were going, insisting that it was a surprise. As they drove into the national park the wide roads slowly turned into narrow windy tracks, and eventually the tarred roads gave way to dirt and rocks. As the hills became steeper, Jim started struggling with the gears and traction with the tyres. Every time there was a grind from the gears or a skid from the tyres Jim would be met with a sideways glance and raised eye brow from Kate. Each time he would get more and more frustrated and claim it was the car, while each time Kate would smile before finally cracking up laughing.

Jim finally pulled up to a car park, pulling the hand-brake on so hard it was nearly pulled out of its socket. "We're here." Jim said with some relief as he climbed out of the car, walking around to the back to pull out a back pack.

"It's beautiful up here," Kate said as she walked around taking in their surroundings. They had driven 30 minutes into the national park, and given they hadn't seen another car for the last 20 it felt like they were the only two people on earth. The native trees and bushland was filled with plenty of wildlife, including birds. It was a sound Kate didn't hear a lot of, but one that she was enjoying. Walking around to the back of the truck she was somewhat confused as to what she saw inside. "Is that...camping gear?" She asked somewhat nervously.

"It's not mine, it belongs to my mate...the one that owns the car. He does some long distance driving and tends to sleep in here to save on accommodation. Don't worry, we'll be out of here by sunset." Jim said re-assuring Kate. "But that's only if we ever get a move on. Come on," Jim said taking Kate by the hand, "The track starts over here."

As they walked up the track, Kate figured out that Jim wasn't kidding when he said it was a hike. Although he swore it was a track it felt more like they were climbing over rocks and through bushland no-one had been through in years. Kate also tried to claim several times that this was not her idea of fun, but that was just met with laughter from Jim who would simply reply with 'yes it is'. After what felt like hours, Jim finally turned to Kate with a grin and announced, "We're here."

Kate was speechless as she walked up to meet Jim. There was a small clearing, surrounded on one side by the bushland they had just walked though, and on the other by a cliff, providing views straight out over the ocean. "Jim, this is beautiful," Kate said as she took her last few steps to fully take in the view while catching her breath.

"Yes it is," Jim muttered under his breath not taking his eyes off Kate while she surveyed the scenery. As Kate continued to take in their location, Jim went to work setting up their picnic, Kate eventually walking back to join him.

"Thank you. This was exactly what I needed." Kate said sitting down as Jim passed her a bottle of water. They sat together enjoying their lunch, laughing and talking about various other hikes that Jim had been on around the world. As their meal ended, Jim asked the question that he had been dying to ask since he saw Kate.

"So, do you want to talk about it?" He asked earning a quizzical look from Kate, "Mike? It's obvious something is going on between you, I'm just wondering why on your first night of shore leave you would call me?" Jim quizzed her. Kate didn't say anything for a long time, she turned to face the water and stared out at the ocean for what seemed like an eternity, and Jim was starting to regret bringing it up. "I'm sorry, you don't need to answer.." Jim started before Kate finally spoke, unable to look at him.

"No, it's a fair question. The truth is, I don't know. Neither of us seem to be able to leave Hammersley. I blame him, maybe a bit irrationally, I know it's not all his fault. It's just...half the crew thought I was pregnant on our last patrol it's definitely irrational," Kate continued earning a slight laugh from Jim, "I mean, I guess I could have made an effort to leave Hammersley but haven't." Kate said turning back to face Jim, and not wanting to talk about Mike anymore she changed the subject, "Did you say there was another track up here?"

"Yeah, starts just through there. It's a 90 minute round trip, we've just got time if you want to go?" Jim knew Kate well enough to know that she barely ever spoke about anything personal, so he probably had gotten as much information as he was going to today. Kate nodded in agreement as they packed up their left overs and started walking up the new track.

If Kate had been bought down by the subject of Mike, the walk certainly lifted her spirits. It was steep, rocky and with thick scrub, but when they finally reached the top the view was spectacular. Kate was simply lost for words as she took in the view, while Jim again could only seem to watch Kate's face. "You kind of feel like you're on top of the world don't you?" Jim stated more than asked.

"Yeah," Kate said looking back to Jim with a slight smile before turning back to the view of the ocean. They both stood there for a few minutes before Kate finally turned back to face Jim, finding him looking at her. It was something that should have knocked her off guard, or at the very least made her feel uncomfortable, but it didn't.

Instead, she found herself relaxing even more in his presence. A million thoughts and feelings ran through her head but one very strong feeling over took her senses, a feeling of butterflies in her stomach and the urge to lean in and kiss him. Before she could act, he reached up to her face to brush some dirt away before talking.

"We'd better head back if we want to be walking in daylight." Jim said. And in that, the moment was gone as he and Kate turned around and began the long walk down. Kate had thought the walk back would be easier given that it was all downhill, but it proved to be just as difficult, both of them struggling to keep their feet in some of the trickier sections of the track.

They finally reached the car just as the sun was setting, agreeing that they needed to get moving while there was some daylight left, they quickly entered the car. As Jim went to turn the engine on, there was a slight rumble before nothing. Trying again, and this time there was absolutely nothing. Various checks of the headlights and indicators and there was nothing, leaving Jim slumped at the steering wheel, and Kate asking the obvious question of what was wrong. "In my experience...the battery is dead." Jim announced getting out of the car taking a look at the engine.

"Do you need a hand?" Kate asked half concerned about their current situation, half amused at how stressed out Jim was. He spent around 20 minutes trying desperately to get the car stated, but then finally gave up.

"Well, with no mobile reception we have two options; we can walk out of here in the dark, or make use of the camping gear and walk out in the morning." Jim announced leaving the decision up to Kate.

Kate looked around and contemplated the decision. The sun was already setting and a cloudy night meant virtually no light from the moon. "The track we came in on was quite rocky, and it would be long walk. With no light, I think the safest thing to do is sleep the night and walk out first thing." Kate said looking to Jim who agreed.

The two went about getting out the camping equipment, with Kate laughing and Jim getting more and more distressed when he realised that the only equipment they could use was a single air mattress and one sleeping bag. "Mind if I ask what you find so funny in all this?" Jim asked.

"You! You're always trying to be so smooth, it just fun to see you like this." Kate explained laughing.

"You'll get yours McGregor..." Jim said as he pulled Kate in for a headlock, playfully pushing an apple into her mouth to stop her from laughing. As they sat eating the left overs from lunch, the night chill well and truly set in and Kate and Jim realised just how tough the night was going to be. Agreeing that they should get an early night Kate and Jim made their way into the truck and tried to close it up as best they could to keep the cold air out. Jim told Kate to take the mattress and sleeping bag, insisting that he would be fine without it.

They hadn't been lying down for long and Kate was already feeling the cold. She knew if she was cold Jim would be freezing, and looking over to him she saw him starting to shiver.

"For crying out loud, we're both adults and you'll freeze if you sleep there, come on." Kate said moving over and unzipping the sleeping bag for Jim to slide in next to her. He slid in reluctantly, hating looking weak in front of her, but enjoying the warmth it bought.

"You know, I didn't plan this." He said shivering.

"I know." Kate said and pausing before asking, "If you had planned this, what would you have done differently?"

"Well, for starters, I probably would have worn thermal underwear," Jim stated still annoyed at their current predicament, but relaxing a little when he heard Kate laugh. "and I definitely would have bought matches to start a fire. I would have claimed it was to keep us warm, but really it would have been so I could see your face glow in its light." Jim said with a smile.

"Would there have been marshmallows?" Kate asked as she moved her body closer to Jim, feeling that he was still quite cold.

"Marshmallows, champagne, and anything else I could have got at short notice, you did only call last night after all. Probably would have bought an extra sleeping bag and a larger mattress, just so you didn't think I was trying anything on, although this option is working out quite nicely." Jim said with a smirk as Kate gave him a playful punch to the side.

"Watch it buddy," Kate replied laughing.

"Alright. Come here," Jim said laughing and moving his arm underneath Kate's head pulling her closer to him, "Time to get some sleep, we have a long walk tomorrow."

If Kate had time to think about it there is no way she would have laid in Jim's arms, but she moved to allow Jim to place his arm underneath her while one of her arms found its way across Jim's chest, and she slept. For what felt like the first time in weeks, she slept. By the time she woke up, the sun had well and truly risen, and so had Jim.

"Good morning sleeping beauty," Jim smiled noticing Kate was awake as she groaned in response, "Come on, the sooner we get walking, the sooner we get breakfast."

"Have you always been a morning person?" Kate asked groggily as she sat up.

"Pretty much," He said laughing, "but, we may have just been saved the walk." Jim said pointing to the car driving up to where they were parked, "Looks like we have a saviour."

"Or maybe not." Kate said as she looked out the window and recognized the car, a sense of dread coming over her.

To Be Continued


	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks again to everyone for reading, reviewing and following. I'm never sure how these chapters are going to go down with the true MK Fans, so the feedback is much appreciated._

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Chapter 7

As Mike and Ryan drove up the track they were surprised to see another car there as they were up quite early and this wasn't the most popular track in town. Mike flinched a little when he saw Jim, but nothing could prepare him for what he saw next. Kate, his Kate, climbing out of the back of the car being assisted down by Jim. Mike's grip on the steering wheel tightened as he pulled in to park next to them, taking a deep breath before releasing the steering wheel and getting out of the car.

"Jim," Mike started out confidently enough, "Kate," he said beginning to falter, not sure if he should be using Kate or X, "Are you two walking this track today as well?"

""Ah no," Jim replied trying to hide his smirk, "We walked it yesterday." He said watching the look on Mike's face change as he looked into the car and saw the sleeping gear.

"What, and you slept here?" Mike asked a little shocked, trying make some eye contact with Kate but not succeeding as she looked everywhere but at him.

"Well, it was better than trying to walk out of here at night. When we got back the battery was dead." Jim said explaining what had happened, enjoying watching Mike squirm, hoping that his imagination was in overdrive. The time he and Kate had spent together had actually been quite innocent, but to a boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, want-to-be boyfriend, or whatever Mike was to Kate, it sure didn't seem innocent. Jim was also hoping that Mike would play the hero and offer to give them a jump start to avoid the embarrassment of having to ask him, but Mike was having none of it.

"Typical Army. All bravado at the start, but just don't have the juice to make it to the end." Mike said now smirking at their situation, taking a step closer to Jim.

"We can make it to the end, don't you worry about that. This is just one little obstacle in our way. Easy enough to overcome though." Jim replied talking a step closer to Mike.

"Is that so? Well come on, show me how you're going to overcome this one." Mike said not moving an inch.

Kate knew both Mike and Jim well enough to know that they were not violent people, but somehow they just pressed each other's buttons. She knew it wouldn't be long before the fists would come out so decided to intervene.

"Look, can you give us a jump start or not?" Kate asked from behind Jim looking intently at Mike, who by now was refusing to look at her, feelings of betrayal and jealousy running through him.

"Sure, given you finally asked," Mike said with a smile, looking at Jim, "Ryan, there is some jumper leads in the boot."

"I'll give him a hand," Jim said walking around Mike to sort out the cars with Ryan, leaving Kate and Mike together.

Kate and Mike could only stare at each other, Kate looked guilty, Mike like his heart had been stepped on. Mike was the first one to look away, finding it very difficult to be around her and not say and do the things he wanted to say and do. "You know, this wasn't my first choice of how to spend my leave." Kate said simply getting Mike's attention.

"The bottle of wine on my door-step?" Mike asked as Kate nodded, unable to speak, "I wondered who that was. Why didn't you knock?"

"You were..ah..otherwise occupied." Kate said nodding in the direction of Ryan. "It looked cosy, I didn't feel right interrupting." Kate said looking away.

"Kate, it's not what you think. What you saw was an excited kid telling his Mum about his first full trip out, nothing more, nothing less." Mike said trying to reassure Kate.

"You're leaving out the part about the Mum and the old friend looking very...comfortable together." Kate said, revealing her insecurities for the first time.

"It's not like that Kate, she's an old friend, nothing more and you know that." Mike said trying to reassure Kate.

"Maybe there's nothing more from your side.." Kate replied softly looking at the ground, gathering her strength to look back to Mike, "But don't you think the excuses she is using to keep us both on Hammersley are just a little bit feeble? And you know something, that's not even what bothered me. It was that you looked happy. Happier than you ever look when you are with me." Kate said with sadness in her voice.

It was a lot of information for Mike to take in, and before he had a chance to respond Jim's truck roared back to life. Kate and Mike both looked up and Kate took one last look at Mike before making a move to go back to the car. "Kate, we need to talk," Mike said as she turned back to face him again, "before our next patrol, we need to talk. We won't survive another patrol like the last one."

"I actually agree with you there. Tomorrow after-noon at my place?" Kate asked as Mike looked at her a little perplexed, "I think there are things that need to be said that we don't need an audience for." Kate explained and as Mike nodded in agreement Kate walked back to Jim's car, both of them getting in and driving away.

It wasn't until they were back in the car that Kate felt like she could breathe again, it was as though Mike had been sucking the oxygen out of the air and Jim was pumping it back in. The drive back out of the National Park was completed in silence except for when Jim stalled the car, swore and Kate laughed. As they reached public roads again, Jim thought he would try talking.

"So, am I taking you home or are you still interested in breakfast?" He asked, hoping that she would at least be hungry enough to want some food.

"Breakfast. Definitely breakfast. I need food." Kate said smiling.

"Great. I know just the place." Jim replied as he drove them back into town and to a cafe he knew would be open early for breakfast. When they finally arrived, they walked into the cafe taking their seats and giving their orders to a waitress who for some reason didn't seem to happy to be serving them. Kate couldn't figure out her reaction to them until she realised it was the way they looked.

"I'm starting to wish I went home first to shower, or at least change before I came out in public." Kate said trying her best to straighten up her hair up, while Jim laughed, slightly amused at Kate's embarrassment.

"Kate, you could go without a shower and wear the same clothes for a month, you'd still take my breath away." Jim said still laughing until he saw Kate freeze at his comment. "Kate, I'm sorry," He said sounding a little more serious, "I know you don't need the pressure, it just came out. Put it down to being hungry." Jim said not wanting to take the comment back, but also not wanting to scare Kate off.

"Jim...you know that...it..." Kate started stumbling before looking up and facing Jim, "I have really enjoyed spending time with you. I have had a lot of fun, and while that is probably something that I need right now, I'm worried that I can't give you what you are looking for yet, maybe not ever." Kate explained wanting to be honest, not wanting to get Jim's hope's up, but at the same time she didn't want to stop spending time with him.

"Kate, it's like I said on that first night. Let's just have some fun together, no complications, no guilt. Just take your time working things out. If it turns into something more, great. If not, at least we had some fun." Jim said taking her hand in his, noticing that she didn't flinch under his touch or try and move her hand back. In fact, they stayed like that for what was a little longer than expected by Jim, looking at each other intently. Kate was about to speak when the waitress came back with their food making them move back from each other. With the moment gone they tucked into their breakfast, Jim not understanding how Kate actually managed to eat so much.

As they finished eating Jim won a brief debate over the payment of the bill before driving Kate home. Jim got out of the first, keen to walk her to her door feeling like a nervous teenager on his first date. "Are you free tomorrow at all?" Jim asked as they reached the door.

"Ah, no, I sort of have something on," Kate replied before explaining, "Mike is coming over, we need to sort a few things out and figure out a way to work together. The day after is good though, it's my last day on shore."

"Well, if it's your last day, I'll find a way to be free for lunch." Jim replied, bypassing the whole Mike situation.

"Ok, it's a date. But no hiking, a real restaurant with plates and cutlery." Kate said smiling.

"A date," Jim replied picking up on Kate's wording, and feeling slightly hopeful of their situation. Kate smiled and nodded in response, looking into Jim's eye's as he smiled back looking at her. In the moment, Kate knew what she wanted to do, but needed to say something first.

"Jim," she started her voice cracking slightly, "I don't want you to read anything into this, or for it to complicate things at all, and I don't want to get your hopes up, I just need to test something," Kate almost whispered as she took a step towards Jim closing the distance between them.

Without over thinking it she took his hand in hers and leant up on her toes to kiss him, letting her lips make the softest contact possible with his. He responded also by making the softest contact possible, worried that he was dreaming and he would be woken up if he were to do anything more. As their kiss continued and intensified, he was very well aware she still had issues to work out with Mike, but he also realised that he might have a chance with her.

"Thank you, for everything, yesterday, today, everything." Kate said breaking away from Jim and taking a step back, "I'll see you the day after tomorrow?" Kate asked hoping that Jim would still be interested.

"Something to look forward to." Jim replied, barely able to believe what had just happened. He watched as Kate smiled before turning and walking inside before he turned and drove away, trying to think where to take Kate for lunch. He had two days notice this time and wanted to come up with something good.

To Be Continued


	8. Chapter 8

_Authors Notes: Thanks again for reading/reviewing following. Hopefully this chapter will start to explain where Kate's head is..._

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Chapter 8

After Jim left, Kate did whatever she could to keep herself busy. She was confused about Jim, and about Mike. She did not want to think about the kiss with Jim and she did not want to think about her complicated feelings for Mike. She tried to distract herself from thinking about what she would say to Mike. She had no idea what she was going to say to him, or what she wanted to say to him, and she had no idea what he was going to say to her. She didn't want to hurt him, but she knew that he would be hurt no matter what. She had a day and a half to prepare herself, but as the time dragged on she became increasingly on edge and wanted this to be over.

Mike was just as on edge and confused over what happened and was happening. He was on his way to Kate's house when he thought he should take something with him to help break the ice. Flowers were wrong, a bottle of wine in the afternoon didn't seem right either, chocolate cake wasn't quite right. In the end he decided on something with cinnamon in it that looked nice enough from a bakery. The nerves started to attack Mike's stomach as he completed the drive to Kate's house. Pulling up outside he took a deep breath in an attempt to control his nerves before walking up to Kate's door.

As Kate opened the door, they both stood stunned for a couple of seconds, almost as though they were surprised to see each other, neither quite knowing what to say. Mike was the first one to break the silence. "I..ah...I bought this." He said offering the cinnamon scroll to Kate.

Kate stood aside allowing Mike to walk in, taking the baked goods from Mike. "It looks great, you want coffee with it?" She asked as they both walked inside, Mike nodded and took a seat at the table where Kate had laid out some files. "I thought we could make a start on the official stuff first." Kate said walking over with the coffee and afternoon tea.

Mike and Kate sat and worked on their paperwork for the upcoming patrol for about half an hour. Mostly rosters and some training exercises, but they also re-enforced some demarcation lines to help ease the tension on the ship. Kate had full control over all boarding's – no exceptions, and would control the navigation systems when on board. While Mike would maintain operational command and would make the final go/no-go decision for any boarding's.

With the professional element over, Kate got up and walked to the kitchen for a fresh coffee and to think about the conversation that was to follow, her nerves settling back in her stomach. Returning from the kitchen she remained standing at a safe distance away from the table where Mike was still seated.

"So that's the work out of the way," Mike said looking up at Kate who remained looking into her coffee, silence taking over the room.

"I kissed Jim." Kate blurted out, still looking away from Mike, unable to look at the hurt in his face. She wasn't sure why she said it, or what she expected Mike to say, but when he said nothing, she spoke again, "And we are going out to lunch tomorrow." She said putting her cup down on the bench.

Mike couldn't believe or understand what he was hearing, feelings of jealousy, sadness and despair settling in his heart. He knew they had spent the night together after hiking, but he genuinely believed, or at least hoped that nothing had happened between them, but now he didn't know what to think. Looking at Kate, he saw that she was waiting for him to say something, but he could only think of one thing to ask, holding back tears, anger and a lump in his throat, "So does that mean there is no chance for us? That it's over for good?"

Kate managed to look at Mike for the first time and could see her emotional turmoil reflected in his face. "Mike, if you were to come in here today and say 'you and me, no rules, no regulations, no hiding, let's give it a shot', I'd say, 'I'm in'. But that's not something you've ever been able to say," Kate tried to continue as Mike cut her off.

Mike stood from his chair and started walking toward Kate, "You know this isn't my choice. 5 months left and I'm off Hammersley, if Maxine doesn't let me off, I'll leave the Navy." Mike continued walking toward Kate, even as she cut him off.

"Mike, I don't blame you, I'm not angry, well not anymore. There has never really been an 'us'. Something is always in the way. I could have transferred off the ship if we were serious." Kate admitted in a whisper fighting to hold back her tears.

Mike couldn't understand why Kate was saying and doing these things, and the only thing he could think was that Kate wasn't sure how he felt about her. They had never been a couple for long talks, but she had to know that he was serious about her, that he wanted to be with her, and he didn't want to wait.

He placed one hand on her hip and another on the side of her face, stroking her cheek, not sensing any resistance he leaned down and kissed her with every ounce of passion that he had. He wanted to make sure Kate was left with no doubt over how he felt, or what he wanted. At first Kate was responding to his kiss and Mike thought his tactics may have worked, but then he felt Kate's hands on his chest pushing him away.

"No, no, no," She said catching her breath, "You don't just get to do _that_ and hope it makes everything ok. _That_, has never been our problem. It's what comes next that we can never get right."

"Please Kate, I'm trying to show you how I feel about you, this isn't easy for me." Mike said pleading with Kate.

"I don't doubt how you feel, and none of this is easy for either of us. It's like the time I tried to learn how to surf," Mike tried to cut Kate off but she put a finger on his lips to stop him and continued with her explanation, "I love the beach, the sand, the water, the waves, so I thought I would enjoy surfing. But every time I got to my feet, I just felt unsteady, like I was waiting for the next big wave to knock me off. And that's how I feel when it comes to us. I'm on the board enjoying the wave, but at the same time I am waiting for it all to come crashing down, and I'm scared because I don't think I could recover. Not again." Tears forming on her eyelids.

"I know our past has been my fault, but this is different. I'm not going anywhere, I want a future with you." Mike voice think with emotion, pleading trying to reassure Kate.

"And I want a future with you, but I am exhausted. From waiting, not knowing, the misunderstandings, more waiting, I'm exhausted. It's just too hard." Kate said sounding defeated.

"And since when have you walked away from anything because it was too hard?" Mike asked trying not to sound angry.

"Since it's a matter of survival. If we were serious about being together, one of us could have transferred off a long time ago, but neither of us have, doesn't that tell you something? Maybe this just wasn't meant to be." Kate said looking at Mike and seeing the dejected look on his face.

"I don't agree with you" Mike said shaking his head, trying to keep his emotion under control, "but if it's what you want then I'll back off, while we are on the same ship, I'll back off." Taking a deep shuddering breath before continuing, "But as soon as I am off the ship, I will be back. I'm not ready, never will be ready, to give up on us." Mike said taking a step closer to Kate, lightly kissing her forehead, "I would never stop you from being happy." Looking at Kate once more, "I'll see you on board in two days." Mike said as he turned to leave Kate's place.

Kate watched as Mike left her house. Her heart was screaming out to him to come back, that she would leave the ship, that she wanted to be with him, but her head wouldn't let the words come out. She knew her reasons were valid, she was sick of waiting, and she wasn't going to have an affair with him while they were both on the ship. If she was going to leave the Navy it would be under her doing, not because she has been thrown out in disgrace for breaking fraternization rules. Her head knew that what just happened made sense, but her heart was still screaming out to call him back. Sinking against the wall she let the tears fall.

Outside and Mike couldn't get into his car quick enough, emotions of despair and sadness over whelming him. Looking back at Kate's door, and hoped that this wouldn't be the last time he was ever allowed on the other side. He only made it around the corner before he had to stop, becoming unstuck, tears falling.

As if it wasn't bad enough that Kate had ended their non-relationship, to know that she was seeing Jim was just too much. He had always hoped that whatever she felt for Jim had long passed, but now he was beginning to doubt everything. Her feelings for Jim, her feelings for him, everything. Finally composing himself he just hoped that things could get back to normal on Hammersley and if that happened there was a chance Kate might remember why they were so good together.

To Be Continued


	9. Chapter 9

_Authors notes: Here is the next installment...have I mentioned that I loved Jim? Thanks to everyone for reading/following and leaving feedback...all comments creatly appreciated._

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Chapter 9

After the emotional upheaval of seeing Mike the day before, Kate was glad to have her date with Jim to prepare for. He was fast becoming more than just a distraction for her and she knew that by seeing him she was being unfair to Mike, and Jim, and probably herself, but she didn't care. Jim made her feel good about herself, and today, that was just what she needed.

This was their first official date since their brake up, and she had assumed Jim would be pulling out all the stops, he was just that sort of guy. So she was slightly confused when she received a text from him in the morning telling her to wear something casual, jeans preferred, and he would pick her up at 11.

Her thoughts wondered back to the last few days, so much had happened. So many emotions, sadness, guilt and happiness, but the one thing she couldn't seem to stop thinking about was her kiss with Jim. It was so different to Mike's. With Mike it was always filled with passion, heat, desperation, and almost always led to something else. With Jim, it was more...innocent. Like two teenagers kissing for the first time. It was full of hope and wonder at what the future may hold.

She was shaken from her thoughts by the sound of a motor bike pulling up in her driveway and a knock at the door. As she opened the door, the only thing she saw Jim in a leather jacket smiling at her. As words failed Kate, Jim was the one who spoke first. "Hi," was all he could manage.

"Hi yourself," Kate finally got out with a smile.

"I was going to bring flowers, but I know you sail again tomorrow, so I thought you might be able to smuggle these on-board," Jim said handing over a box of Lindt Chocolates. The offering was met with a gracious smile from Kate as she accepted the chocolates, placing them on the hall table behind her, turning her attention back to him.

"So I see you have a different mode of transport today," Kate said pointing to the bike in her driveway.

"Well, I was a little disappointed in the way our last...experience...ended, so I'm not taking any chances on borrowed cars today." Jim said with a smile before noticing that Kate's face had dropped.

"Disappointed...in the way it ended..." Kate trailed off thinking he was disappointed in their kiss.

"Disappointed that the truck broke down," Jim clarified realising the misunderstanding, "everything else was...surprising...unexpected..it was..." Jim struggled to find the right words as he smiled at Kate, taking in her features.

"Breathtaking," Kate finished for Jim as she watched his smile spread across his face. Not wanting to give him too much of an ego, she continued, "The view from the cliff was breathtaking," They both let out a small chuckle as the tension seemed to ease.

Kate closed the door behind her as they both walked over to the bike, Jim beginning to give Kate instructions on how to sit and hold on, before she stopped him, informing him that she had ridden on the back of a bike before, which took Jim by surprise. "I rode on the back once with our new buffer steering. We actually ended up tied up together in somewhat of a confined space..." Kate said with a wry smile, hoping Jim's imagination would take it the wrong way, before continuing with a smug tone in her voice, "some clothing was misplaced and we went for a bit of a swim afterwards." Jim's eye brows shot up but he chose not to say anything.

Kate climbed onto the bike and sat waiting for Jim. A simple shake of the head and smile from him and she knew her words had the desired effect. He climbed on the bike and started the engine. As they began their ride, Kate began to relax and enjoy herself. Motorbikes may have had their down side, but there were also some positives. The sun was beating down, and whether it was the wind on her face or the noise from the bike, the longer they rode the more Kate forgot her troubles and just enjoyed the moment. Holding on to Jim wasn't entirely unpleasant either, she was enjoying being close to him without feeling awkward.

Jim was not enjoying the ride quite so much. He couldn't stop thinking about what Kate had told him. She had ridden a motorbike with the ship's bosun, been tied up with him, lost some clothing and gone swimming. He knew it wouldn't have been how she was making it sound, Mike would not have stood for it, and Mike had also been the only one in Kate's heart up until now. Going over and over it he came to the conclusion that being tied up probably meant she had been taken hostage, but still he had to know more. He pulled in to a road side look out, turned the engine off and took his helmet off before turning around to face Kate.

Kate had been surprised when they stopped, but took off her own helmet as Jim turned around. "I have to know, the riding, tied up, lost clothes, swimming, did all of that really happen or are you making it up?" Jim asked with a hint of desperation in his voice.

Kate had to try extremely hard to hide her smile. He was jealous, not hurt, or angry, or sad, just jealous. It surprised her that he seemed jealous of her and Dutchy, but had never acted like this when Mike was mentioned. She couldn't help herself, she had to twist the knife, "Well, he went swimming, I just sort of watched," She said as the smile she was trying to hide crept across her face.

Jim knew instantly from Kate's reaction that it had been nothing inappropriate, and had most likely been something quite horrible, but that wasn't the image in his head. As Jim eventually smiled, shaking his head, Kate started laughing. "You know something, that's just mean," Jim said still trying to shake the image from his head.

"Yeah, well, what are you going to do about it?" Kate offered between her laughter, trying to regain her composure.

"What am I going to do? I'll show you what I'm going to do..." Jim teased, slowly reaching up to kiss Kate. One kiss turned into several kisses, with smiles breaking out in-between. It was fun, flirtatious and playful.

That was until Kate's phone rang.

Taking it out of her pocket, she saw Mike's name on the caller id. A sense of dread came over her hoping that he wasn't just checking up on her. He knew she was out with Jim.

"Sorry, it's work," Kate sighed, disappointed their moment had been broken, and annoyed thinking that it was Mike calling to check on her. Trying to keep her tone as balanced as possible she answered her phone. "Sir...Ah, no Sir that won't be possible...Yes Sir I can make it by then...See you onboard Sir." Was all Jim could hear as Kate closed her eyes and moved back on the bike. "Sorry, we've been crash sailed. Are you able to take me back?" Kate asked putting her helmet back, a mix of emotions settling in her stomach. She felt guilty about Mike, firstly for kissing Jim, and then thinking he would do something as petty as calling her to try and crash her date. Then there were her emotions for Jim. She had been enjoying kissing him, and seeing his jealous side. She really wanted to continue their date and was disappointed to be heading back, but duty called.

Jim reluctantly agreed and turned to face the correct way before taking them back to Kate's place. Once they arrived at Kate's, Jim somehow managed to convince Kate that he should give her a ride to Hammersley. Kate was uncomfortable with the idea, not wanting to rub Mikes face in the fact she had been on a date with Jim – knowing and seeing are two totally different things.

But Jim wouldn't take no for an answer and Kate wasn't quite ready to say good-bye either. She quickly entered her house and gathered her things, including the chocolates from Jim, and headed back out to meet Jim at the bike. After tying her bag to the bike, Jim turned his attention back to Kate, placing his hands on her hips to turn her to face him.

"What do you think about trying this again when you get back." Jim said manoeuvring even closer to Kate as she ran her hands up his muscular arms coming to rest at the back of his neck. "Maybe take a ride to a beach somewhere, take a swim.." Jim said smiling as he leaned down to kiss Kate lightly and playfully, allowing his lips to caress hers.

"Patrol will be about four weeks, so four weeks and one day?" Kate asked returning the kiss with a little more intent, tightening her arms around him.

"What about four weeks and fifteen minutes?" Jim suggested as their kiss intensified. If their previous encounters had not been totally filled with passion, this was making up for it. As their bodies fused together Jim's hands found their way around Kate's back, and hers up into his hair before their passion lifted to another level with Jim picking Kate up, holding each other tightly until he put her back down and the pair separated for air.

Both were caught breathless for a few moments before Kate remembered where she was supposed to be going. "Port?" Was all she could manage, not able to form a complete sentence.

Jim nodded as they both got onto the bike and made their way to port. Although it didn't take them long to get there, they both used the time to regain their composure. As Jim pulled up alongside Hammersley, Kate didn't miss the looks on the crews faces, their XO turning up on the back of a bike certainly seemed to shock them. No-one was game to say anything to her, but she knew a couple of them were talking about her. She did a quick scan around the docks and was relived not to see Mike, feeling somewhat uncomfortable arriving with Jim.

"Come on X, not like you to be pushing it for time!" Dutchy called out raising his eyebrows as he walked past Kate and Jim.

"Our new bosun..." Kate whispered, leaning in to Jim so that only he could hear, earning a shocked look in response, "He is right though, I'd better get going. See you when I get back?" Kate asked hopefully.

"I'll be waiting." Jim said looking longingly at Kate. Both of them wanted to touch each other one last time, share one more kiss, but they knew they couldn't with the crew watching on. With one last smile, a deep breath and a simple good-bye Kate walked onto Hammersley with Jim's eye's following her closely until she was well gone from sight.

Mike was on the bridge when he heard a motorbike pull up. He looked out the window expecting to see Dutchy, and could only clench his fist he saw it was Kate with Jim. Luckily no-one else was on the bridge. If they were, they would have seen Commander Mike Flynn starring, eyes absolutely transfixed on his XO. Feelings of jealousy and panic running through him, panic because Jim was clearly making his move, and jealousy because it should have been him. He watched her lean in and whisper something to Jim, he could only assume it was some sort of private joke. His jaw clenched and he watched the looks they gave each other as they said there good-byes.

Mike was not sure he would have coped if they kissed. It was very likely he would not have been able to stop himself from jumping out of the window, off the boat and down onto the pier to punch Jim. Mike had to take a deep breath, a breath of relief that she did not kiss him and relief that she would be away from him for at least four weeks. It was only when he saw Kate finally walk away from Jim and onto Hammersley that Mike was able to unclench his fist.

This was going to be one interesting patrol.

To Be Continued


	10. Chapter 10

_Authors Notes: Hope you all enjoy the next installment...Thanks to everyone for reading and leaving feedback :)_

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Chapter 10

If a patrol ever reflected someone's life, then this patrol reflected Kate's. It was supposed to be a simple, straight-forward, four week patrol, then back into port for shore leave, but it turned into anything but straight-forward.

Kate and Mike were doing anything they could to avoid being in each other's company. They even minimised their conversations, or looking at each other. Mike found it difficult to look at Kate without feeling a sting in his chest, it was not only that he was jealous, he also had the uncomfortable feeling that he had lost her. Whilst Kate tried to avoid Mike because she felt guilty, not only for going out with another man, but for causing Mike pain. She knew it was not his fault they were in this predicament, she just found it increasingly difficult to cope without knowing where they were heading. Her biological clock was ticking and it was ticking fast. If she wanted children she didn't have too much time left.

While the rest of the crew were animated and jovial, trying to keep the balance of the ship, they had been aware of Kate arriving with Jim. And even though they had not shared any physical contact, they were very well aware of Kate's past and what the return of Jim in Kate's present could and would entail. Even the sailors who had not been around when Kate and Jim were first together had been well and truly informed of the situation. Kate and Mike were doing anything they could to avoid the conversations, or looking at each other.

A few days into their patrol, the crew had assembled on the bridge as they were reminiscing tales of their leave, trying to ease the tension between their commanding officers. They still remembered the last patrol, and the previous day was just another reminder that it had not been good. They were succeeding until Ryan spoke up "The boss and I went on this great hike out in the National Park, the same one the X went on the day before us," he announced as the rest of the bridge fell silent.

Mike and Kate briefly looked at each other before realising that the rest of the crew were looking at them waiting to see what would happen. The tension almost unbearable.

"It was a pretty steep track, but the view was worth it," Mike said turning to the rest of the crew before turning back to Kate, "How did you find the track X?" he asked jovially trying to ease the tension between them.

"Well I wouldn't call it a track, thick bushland is a better description, but I agree with you about the view, it was worth it." Kate responded with a slight smile, holding her breath hoping Ryan wouldn't say anything about who she did the walk with or how they had found them. To her relief, he said nothing and the rest of the crew continued talking as Hammersley continued sailing.

A few days later Hammersley and Kingston joined up for some joint training exercises and mock boarding's. The Hammersley crew was desperate to win after a humiliating loss last time. Dutchy and Swain had approached Mike and Kate with some ideas, and the four of them discussed the best strategies and all possible options. After a lengthy session Dutchy and Swain excused themselves and left the room, leaving Kate and Mike alone for the first time since the start of the patrol. Kate stood up, feeling uncomfortable to be alone with Mike, but Mike stopped her, placing his large hand over her smaller on. "Stay a little bit?" He pleaded with her.

Kate sat back down. She looked at him realizing how much she had missed him, even just talking to him. "Mike, I..." Not knowing what to say she hesitated.

Mike looked at Kate intensely, also not sure what to say, "Kate, I've missed you. Really missed you..."

Kate opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a knock on the door by RO. "Ma'am you are needed on the bridge."

Turning to face Mike once more her eye's softened as she smiled at him, her smile saying more than her words could, she missed him too.

All of the planning and strategies had paid off; Hammersley came out on top over Kingston. Kate and Mike's few words in the officers mess had eased the tension between them and all the planning for the contest with the Kingston had assisted in rediscovering a way to work together again. They had come up with and used some ideas from outside the square to win and as they all celebrated Kate and Mike found they enjoyed being in each other's company again. The tension had eased and they had found a line between playful banter and flirting, which they had even crossed on a few occasions while they were alone in the seniors mess.

Still on a high from the celebrations, Kate returned to her cabin to prepare for her watch when she was brought back to earth very quickly; checking her e-mails, Jim had contacted her. It was a simple e-mail, just saying that he had been thinking about her and was hoping that she had a good day; to stay safe and that he was looking forward to seeing her when she came back. And that's when it hit her like a freight train – was it possible that she was in love with two different men at the same time?

Everything was so easy with Jim. She always had fun with him, and he made her laugh. She would also find herself doing things she wouldn't normally do, like riding a motorbike, hiking and playing arcade games, and she found that she had so much fun doing them. He had a way of stopping her from being Lieutenant McGregor. With him she was just Kate. Whenever she was around him, or thinking about him, she felt like a fun, carefree and relaxed version of herself. She started to type a reply when she was called to the bridge by Mike.

He smiled at her as she walked onto the bridge and guilt consumed her body. Mike was supposed to be her soul mate. They were so alike in so many ways, shared so many of the same passions and had an uncanny knack of knowing what the other was thinking, at least when it came to work anyway.

When it came to their personal life, they just never managed to get things right between them; partly because of them both being in the Navy, and partly because he seemed scared of the commitment. She knew how he felt about her, and how she felt about him. But here she was, spending time with another man, someone that made her happy. It was that conundrum that haunted her throughout the patrol.

Each time she was e-mailing with or thinking about Jim, Mike would appear from nowhere or she would be called to the bridge for a boarding, almost as if he sensed what she was doing. And each time she was in Mike's company, she thoroughly enjoyed it, just being with him for either work related issues, or sharing a meal together in the seniors mess. But then she would return to her cabin to find either another unread e-mail or her half written one. In her quest to find personal happiness, Kate was torn, completely torn and definitely not happy.

As if her personal dilemmas weren't enough, her professional life wasn't running smoothly either. Their four week patrol had turned into six weeks and counting thanks to some engine problems with the Kingston. They had lost count of the number of boarding's that didn't go to plan – FFV's with no fish on board, motherships that made their way back over the line just in time, boardings called off to assist maydays, if it could go wrong, it went wrong. Kate thought it couldn't get any worse, but she was wrong.

"Sir," Kate said entering Mike's cabin after being paged, "You wanted to see me?"

"X, our new orders." Mike said handing Kate a file and watching while she read it, trying to gauge her reaction. Hammersley had been tasked to head back into Samaruan waters and collect Jim and his team from one of the smaller islands. He had been there for peacekeeping duties, but the local rebels called in re-enforcements and the situation was becoming to hostile to remain on the island, resulting in the Hammersley, as the closest asset, being tasked to extract them from the island. "Did you know he was there?" Mike asked quietly, not sure what to think as he saw her expression changed.

Kate only nodded at first before explaining, "We..um..Emails." she stuttered before switching back to work mode.

Mike's heart sank, deep down he knew that she would have kept contact with Jim, but he had secretly hoped that she would not have. Since the contest with Kingston, all seemed to have been good between them, but now, he was not so sure. He did not know what to make of it and before he had a chance to think further he was awoken from his thoughts by her voice.

"I'll take Dutchy, Swain and 2Dads," Kate was about to continue when she saw Mike shaking his head.

"You're not leading this one X, you're too involved. I'll take it," Mike said resisting the urge to add 'again' at the end of his statement.

Kate could feel the anger inside her rising. Just when her and Mike had found their rhythm again, he questioned her professionalism and her ability to carry out her duties. Trying to suppress her anger, Kate replied, "All due respect Sir, we had an agreement. Boardings are mine, and that includes this extraction. It's mine."

Mike was taken by surprise by Kate's tone, he didn't think she would be that surprised that he was taking the boarding. "This isn't a negotiation X, you are too close, I am taking this one."

"You take this one," Kate started yelling, before lowering her voice but maintaining an angry tone, "You take this one, and you're as good as telling the rest of the crew that I no longer have the ability to remain professional and do my job, and you're as good as telling me I'm no longer capable of doing my job. And if I'm no longer capable of doing my job then there is no point me staying on this ship. So what's it going to be, Sir."

"Kate, I'm trying to make this easier on you..." Mike was about to continue before Kate cut him off.

"Easier! I think the time for you to make things easier has well and truly passed. But this isn't about easier is it? It's about Jim! You know it, I know it. Now, am I leading the extraction or applying for a transfer?" Kate demanded trying to stop herself from yelling.

"I still make the operational decisions on this ship, I'm still the CO!" Mike almost yelled back, standing directly in front of Kate.

"I am painfully aware that you are still the CO. That's the whole bloody problem!" Kate took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down before continuing "If this was anyone else you would be trusting me to do this. You more than anyone should know that I can put any personal feelings aside and do my job." Kate said with the emotion of the situation forming tears in her eyes, but the anger refusing to let them fall.

Mike took a moment to think about the situation. Kate was partially right, if it wasn't for Jim, she would have been leading this extraction, but he was there. He also knew Kate would stay professional, but what would happen if things went wrong? She had threatened to kill Gorski, would she do the same if someone hurt or killed Jim? Jim, why did he come back? Especially now the worst possible time. But what was bothering him more was whether she would really leave the ship if he didn't let her go. Things had been so icy between them up until this patrol, if she did leave it would probably be forever, but should he really be allowing that to affect his decision here? Against his better judgement, Mike agreed to Kate's demands.

"Ok, you can take it. But nothing fancy – you get in there, get the team, and get them out. No sidetracks to attack the rebels, your job is to get the SAS out of there, Understood?" Mike said, his concern for her evident in his voice.

"Understood." Kate said in response, relieved to be leading the extraction and being allowed to do her job. "I'll go and brief the team now." She said as she tried to edge past Mike to reach his door.

When she reached the door Mike replied softly, sounding defeated, "Kate, please be careful."

Kate turned to face Mike and just nodded, not knowing how to respond.

A few hours later and the extraction was underway. Mike was on the bridge watching the RHIB through his binoculars. He nervously watched as Kate, Dutchy, Swain and 2Dads jumped out of the RHIB, weapons at the ready, making their way up the beach. Out of nowhere, the SAS appeared out of the bushland. Watching his team and the SAS making their way back to the RHIB, Mike started to breathe a little easier, thinking this was just about over, he looked to RO.

He only looked away for a second, but that was all it took for all hell to break loose. There was an explosion, followed by gunfire, followed by rebels, too many to count, running out onto the beach, heavily armed.

To Be Continued


	11. Chapter 11

_Authors notes: Thanks again to everyone who has been reading and leaving feedback...Here is the next installment...I hope you enjoy :)_

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Chapter 11

As gun fire was exchanged between both the parties, Mike was glued to his binoculars watching the scene unfolding in front of him. The gunfire was heavy and Mike rushed orders for shots to be fired from the 50 cal. Mike's heart was pumping in his throat, and then sank when he saw Dutchy carrying someone with Jim walking behind, using himself as a shield and providing cover fire at the same time. Zooming in on them, he saw who Dutchy was carrying.

It was Kate.

Mike had to use all his self control not to bring up his breakfast, his focus completely turning to Kate. He couldn't see any blood, but she wasn't moving. He watched them all jump into the RHIB and speed back toward Hammersley.

Mike fought with himself not to run to the deck and see for himself what was going on. He desperately wanted to see for himself and make sure she was ok. But he was needed on the bridge to direct Hammersley out of Samaru and towards home. He busied himself trying to occupy his mind away from Kate.

His Kate.

Injured in the wardroom.

It was going to be some time before he could go and check on her.

When Bird rang up to the bridge that Kate was going to be ok, he felt relieved beyond words. His desperation to see her increasing with every second and as soon as he could, he headed to the wardroom to check on Kate, stopping in front of the ward room door when she could hear Kate arguing with Swain that she was fine.

He smiled, she must be fine, pushing the door open, "How is everyone?" Mike asked as he entered the wardroom, looking directly at Kate.

"All things considered Sir, everyone is ok," Swain answered back, "The X copped the brunt of a grenade blast which knocked her out for a while. She will need a CT scan, but is ok to return to light duties. Captain Roth has a bullet graze to his arm, but Bird has patched him up and he will be fine until we get back to port. Everyone else seems to be ok." Swain said looking back to Mike, who was transfixed on Kate.

"Well you'll all be pleased to hear we are heading for home port now," Mike said, whilst Jim started to object, "Re-enforcements have been called for to deal with Samaru. We will be back home tomorrow morning. Jim," Mike cut him off, turning his focus away from Kate to him, "You and your men will find everything they need in Austere. If you want to head down there now, Bird will let you know when dinner is ready." Mike said moving aside for Jim to leave.

Swain looked from Jim to Kate and back, surprised by Mike's tone. Jim was injured as well, and there was no real reason to confine them to Austere. For a moment, Swain thought that either Jim or Kate were going to argue back, but they must have thought better of it, not wanting to create any further awkwardness. Jim glanced once more over to Kate and then turned around to walk out. Whilst walking past, he placed a hand on Kate's leg, looking at her trying to re-assure her with his eyes that everything was ok, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Mike.

As Jim walked past Mike, he gave him a disapproving look before shaking his head and walking out to join up with the rest of his men.

"Was that really necessary?" Kate asked Mike angrily, almost forgetting they were not alone in the room.

"They're guests on my ship, they'll go where their told." Mike said as Bird and Swain excused themselves from the room, feeling awkward and not wanting to be a witness to an argument between their commanding officer's .

Kate shook her head at Mike's attitude. She was so angry. Too angry to start a confrontation, she was very well aware that if she entered into an argument with him now, all their hard work would be lost and irreversible damage would be done to both their professional and personal relationship. Taking a moment to ensure she was steady on her feet before she began to move. "I'll be in my cabin if anyone needs me." She stated before trying to walk out of the room, only to be blocked by Jim.

"Sorry," He stated before taking a second look at Kate, seeing the anger in her face as she tried to avoid looking at him, "I just need to grab my jacket." He added walking into the room to get his jacket. As he walked in, Mike looked away, refusing to look at either of them. Jim could feel the tension in the room and knew that he was part of it. He quickly grabbed his jacket and turned to leave, placing a soft hand on Kate's back as he walked past her.

With Jim gone, Kate again turned and walked out of the room. Mike watched her retreating form. He had seen anger flash in her eyes before, but not like this. He realized that he had been harsh on Jim, but his jealousy had gotten the better of him. Shaking his head, he knew he had made a mistake.

Kate hadn't been in her cabin for long when she heard a knock at her door. She really didn't want to talk to anyone, but knew she couldn't hide either. She desperately hoped it was not Mike, she was still too angry to talk to him. "Come in," She called out. As her door opened she saw Jim walking in, closing the door behind him.

Seeing the concern on her face, Jim spoke first. "Don't worry, no-one saw me." He said taking a seat in front of her, "How are you, really?" He asked, placing his hand on hers.

"I'm fine," Kate said, a little angry that she now had another person asking how she was. That was until she looked up into Jim's eye's and saw that he saw straight through her. "Ok, so I'm not fine, but I'm ok. Looking forward to some leave. I am sorry about Mike."

"Kate," Jim said starting to get serious, "I've been doing some thinking. I know what I said at the start of all this, that we would just have some fun together, no pressure, no hassles, but the reality is I'm not that sort of bloke, and I don't think that you are that kind of girl. I want to settle down with someone, have a family, a life. Someone I can talk to, laugh with, grow old with. And I want that person to be you, but I don't think we can do all that up here." Looking intensely at her before adding "Too many distractions."

Jim was hoping Kate would respond, but she just looked at him, not knowing what to say.

Taking a deep breath Jim continued, "I've been offered an opportunity in Sydney, and I want you to come with me. You don't have to come straight away, I know you will have to finish your rotation, but I want you to come with me," Jim reached up to Kate's face, stroking her cheek, "We can have a fresh start, a life together." He took his chances and leaned in giving her a quick kiss on the lips, pulling back before she had a chance to respond.

"Don't say anything yet, just think about it. I'm sure there would be some good opportunities for you down there. Promise me you'll think about it?" He asked hopefully.

Jim was nervous about Kate's response and was hoping she would give his proposition a lot of thought before responding. He knew what he was asking was big. Still looking at Kate he felt relieved when he saw a smile grace her face. "A fresh start, a family, a life...I'll think about it. Give me some time?" Kate asked hoping he wouldn't be hurt by her not accepting the offer straight away.

"Take all the time you need," Jim said re-assuring Kate. "I'd better get out of here before someone finds me." Jim said leaning in for one more kiss before he stood up and walked to the door, turning back to her before leaving her cabin, "Kate, you deserve to be happy, and I think I can give that to you. I already know you make me happy." With that Jim opened the door before closing it behind him.

Kate laid back in her rack, unable to believe what she had just heard. She had just been offered everything she ever wanted. A committed relationship, a family, a happy future. But had she been offered everything by the wrong man? Kate McGregor was well and truly torn. Torn between Mike, the man that was supposed to be her soul mate and the love of her life, and Jim, the man who could make her happy, and the man who was making her feel good about herself.

Torn between the life she always thought she wanted, her own command and staying part of the Hammersley family, or venturing off for a new challenge with a new crew.

It was decision time.

It shouldn't be that hard.

But she didn't know what she wanted.

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_Authors Notes: What do you think Kate will choose?_


	12. Chapter 12

_Authors notes: Thanks to the outstanding level of feedback, I have decided to post the next chapter now :) Thanks to everyone for continuing to read and comment, it really does mean a lot. _

* * *

Chapter 12

Kate was lying in her rack trying not to think about her splitting headache and instead trying to think about her life. She had a decision to make. On one hand there was Jim – someone who could make her happy and was offering her a commitment and a family. Something she wanted and something she needed to make her feel whole. Not too long ago the thought of a family had not crossed her mind, her career was all that mattered, but somehow over the years she had started to realise that a career was not everything and that she really wanted children.

On the other hand there was Mike. The love of her life, a man she had been in love with for so long. The man she always thought she wanted, the one she always thought she would end up with, but the one she never managed to get things right with and caused her heartache more times than not.

Half of the problem was that although she had a decision to make, choosing Mike wasn't really an option. Choosing him meant waiting another four months to see if Knocker would let him, or her, off Hammersley. It was not just the four months, there had been many obstacles in the past such as Mike's inability to commit. He promised this time was different and she was inclined to believe him, but there was also Maxine. Was she really going to let Mike post off? And if not, what would Mike do?

She kept going over it in her head until there was another knock at the door. Hoping it wasn't going to be someone adding to her headache, she called for them to enter and was relieved to find it was Swain.

"X," he said entering the room cautiously carrying a plate of food, "Bird said you hadn't been out for dinner, and there's a few more painkillers here if you need them." He said placing the plate and pills down on her desk. "You should try and eat something, it might help with the headache."

"Thanks Swain, I didn't even realise the time," Kate said sitting up, completely unaware that she was holding her head, giving away the pain that she was in. As Swain went to leave, Kate called out to him. "Swain, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"I guess not," Swain replied closing the door taking a seat in the chair at Kate's desk.

Kate wasn't exactly sure how to phase her questions. She opened her mouth a few times about to speak, but hesitated each time before she finally got something out. "You and Sally? On some level, it has to be easy right? I mean on some level it just has to work? Right?" Kate wasn't sure what she was expecting for an answer, she wasn't even sure what she had asked, but she needed to talk to someone and Swain seemed like the only logical person. Not only was Swain the only one on the ship she felt like she could actually ask, but also the only one on the ship she knew on the ship who had a functional relationship.

Swain was a little taken back by the question although he knew straight away why she was asking. He had known something was up between his commanding officers. He wasn't a fool, he knew there was something going on between Mike and Kate, but with the arrival of Jim he wasn't sure what was going on. All he knew for sure was that the tension could be cut with a knife, and it had only gotten worse with Jims re-appearance. But it wasn't like Kate to talk about her personal life, and while she wasn't technically talking about her life here, he sensed she was asking for some sort of guidance or advice.

"Well, I wouldn't say it's easy. The loving her part is easy, but the relationship part takes work, a lot of work. Don't get me wrong, because it's all worth it, and there are plenty of good times in there as well, but it does take work. You really do have to be committed to each other to make it work." Swain said watching Kate's reaction.

Kate listened to Swain's response, but it wasn't really what she wanted to know. "What if you had to give up Hammersley. I mean, not now that you are married with a daughter, but back when you first met Sally, before you were in a serious relationship, what if you had to give up Hammersley to be with her?"

Swain took a moment to take the question in. He genuinely didn't know if she was talking about being with Mike or Jim, and she wasn't giving anything away. He was confused though, why would she have to give up Hammersley to be with Jim? "Well that's a pretty big question. I mean knowing what I know now, yeah, I would leave. But to give it all up without knowing if it would work out...I don't know." Swain took a deep breath leaning back in the chair contemplating the question further,

"I guess...I guess if you really want to be with someone, then you wouldn't see giving up Hammersley as a negative, you'd be looking forward to just being with them. I mean, Sal gives up plenty to be with me, moving around the country, being on her own most of the time, away from her family, and as much as it might not be the life she thought she would have, I don't think she regrets it."

It was now Kate's turn to take a deep breath and lean back in her rack taking in what Swain had just said. Swain had an interesting point, giving up Hammersley shouldn't be a negative, whether it was to be with Mike or Jim, it shouldn't really be that hard if she was actually ready to be with either of them.

Before Mike had been posted back on the ship, she would have given up Hammersley to be with him. She'd have given it up without thinking twice. But things were so bad between them now, and she was starting to doubt his commitment to her. She also couldn't shake the image of him and Maxine together on his couch. He had assured her that nothing was going on, but he seemed so happy and relaxed.

She didn't know if things would ever improve with Mike. But then if she were to leave with Jim and embark on a relationship which could go either way, would she end up regretting leaving? She had waited for years for Mike, she knew she loved him, she was just tired of waiting and the non-commitment. Whilst Jim, well he had only just re-entered his life and she was not entirely sure how she actually felt about him, and jumping into the deep end was not a very comforting thought.

Seeing the confusion on Kate's face, Swain asked "Do you want to talk about it at all?"

"Am I that transparent to everyone?" Kate asked in reply. She wasn't shocked that Swain seemed to know what was going on, but she hoped not everyone on the ship knew.

"I can lie and say no if it will make you feel better." Swain replied with a slight chuckle trying to lighten the mood. It seemed to work as Kate chuckled as well.

"Thank you Swain. But I wouldn't even know where to start. I just need to figure some things out." Kate said leaning forward taking the pain killers that Swain had bought in.

"Ok, well, you know where to find me. Have some dinner, a good night's sleep, things always seem better in the morning." Swain said getting up to leave Kate. As he reached her door, he turned to face her once more, "You know X, for the rest of us, Hammersley wouldn't be the same without you, but it would be worth it if it means you're happy."

"Thanks Swain," Kate said as he turned and left her cabin. Kate knew she had to take control of her life. She needed to figure out what and who she wanted. She also knew that whatever decision she made she was going to hurt someone, someone that she cared a great deal about. She moved over to her desk to start eating some dinner turning her laptop on at the same time, she began to look for current available postings in Sydney. She thought if she could find a new job she was excited about it might make her decision to leave easier.

Meanwhile, the SAS had all come out of Austere for dinner and were in the Juniors Mess. Mike walked past and said nothing about them going back to Austere, he did not want to antagonise Kate any further, and he knew it had been unreasonable for him to speak to Jim the way he did in the ward room. The SAS boys seemed alright playing cards with some of the crew.

As night time wore on, Jim left the mess and went in search of Mike. He knew that Kate still had feelings for him, blind Freddy could see that. He just couldn't understand the hold Mike had over her. It wasn't so much the thought of Kate choosing Mike over him that bothered him, although that would have hurt. It was the thought that she would choose him because of promises that Mike had made and either couldn't or wouldn't keep. The way Jim saw it, Mike had had more than enough time to make his move. Finding Mike in his cabin, he knocked on his door he waited for him to respond.

"Enter," Mike called out not turning around from his desk.

"Commander," Jim said waiting at the door, "I was wondering if I could have a word in private?" He asked, waiting for Mike's response. Mike turned to face Jim, raising an eyebrow as he did. He thought about saying no and sending him away, but part of him was curious to see what he wanted. So he motioned for him to enter and closed the door behind him.

"What can I help you with?" Mike asked.

"It's about Kate," Jim started as Mike shook his head and made a move to open the door and throw him out. Jim raised his hand and stopped him from opening the door, "It won't take long," he said as Mike backed away from the door and stood with folded arms looking at Jim.

"I've asked her to move with me to Sydney, and I'm asking you to let her go." Jim's statement was simple and it caught Mike completely off guard. He knew they had spent some time together, but was it really enough for her to follow him to Sydney? Was she really going to leave him? And what did Jim think he was doing talking to him about it?

"If Lieutenant McGregor wants to move to Sydney, there's nothing I can do to stop her." Mike said trying to maintain a professional tone whilst his heart was racing and his head spinning with anxiety over possibly having lost Kate to Jim.

"I'm not talking about Lieutenant McGregor, I'm talking about Kate, and don't pretend there is nothing between the two of you. I'm not asking for your blessing..." Jim started before Mike cut him off.

"Good, because you won't get it..." Mike interjected angrily before Jim cut back in.

"I'm asking you to let her go so she can be happy." Jim's voice was steady and calm. He saw the anger in Mike reaching boiling point and he had to take as much of his own emotion out as possible so that it didn't escalate into a fight.

"Maybe she wouldn't be happy with you. What if it's me that can make her happy. Are you telling me that you would just turn around and leave?" Mike asked, anger still lacing his voice.

"I did once. You had the best part of three years, and from what I can see, she's not happy here. I'm asking you not to confuse her with promises you can't deliver on, just let her make her mind up. If she decides not to come with me, I'll leave." Jim explained as they were interrupted by a knock at the door.

Mike opened the door to find RO who handed him a note before leaving. Before Mike had a chance to close the door, Jim spoke again. "Just think about it," Jim said as he walked out of Mike's cabin before he had a chance to say anything.

Mike couldn't believe what had just happened. Jim had just entered his cabin and asked him to back away from Kate. _What did he mean 'I did once' _He always wondered why Jim had disappeared from the scene after he was wounded, but now he knew. It suddenly struck him, he always thought that Kate had called it off, but it must have been Jim realising that Kate had feelings for him. Already back then? Mike knew he was an idiot. And Jim appearing on the scene, and realising that nothing had changed, had made his move.

Jim had asked her to move away with him, and he seriously expected him to not say anything to get her to stay. He knew his options were limited at the moment, but if it was a choice between losing Kate forever or leaving the Navy, he would leave the Navy.

Mike wanted to fight for her.

He knew that he could make her happy, but he could also see that Jim was making her happy. Thinking about his options, talking to her tonight was out of the question, he knew Kate would still be angry at him. He would have to do it when they got back. There would be a lot to do in the morning when they docked, so he if he wanted to talk to her he would have to wait until the afternoon. Between now and then, he had some serious thinking to do.

Kate had long given up on her dinner and after spending most of the night going through the current list of vacancies, she turned her laptop off and went to bed. She had made a decision and was happy with it, but wanted to wait until the morning to make sure she felt the same way.

To Be continued

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_Authors notes: Sorry...I know this was mostly angst...I do feel a little bad about that...I promise you will find out Kate's decision in the next chapter :)_


	13. Chapter 13

_Authors Notes: So I have been re-working and re-working this chapter...and finally Kate's decision is reveiled. This is the longest chapter of the story so I hope you enjoy it._

* * *

Chapter 13

As Kate woke up the next morning and thought about her decision, she felt like she could breathe for the first time in months. She knew she could not have continued with the way things were going, it would have totally destroyed her and now after making her decision she felt relieved, like the weight of the world had been lifted off her chest.

With that feeling, she knew she had made the right decision the night before.

She got up and turned her laptop on, printing out the required paperwork before taking her time packing up her belongings. If everything went to plan today, she wouldn't be coming back onboard Hammersley.

Taking a deep breath, the first of many for the day, Kate took one more look around her and mentally prepared herself for what she had to do. Kate knew she had to have three conversations today, one with Maxine, then Jim, then Mike, and she wasn't looking forward to any of them. If she had one regret about the day ahead it was that she wasn't going to say a proper good-bye to the crew, her family for the past 4 years.

Dutchy, Swain and Bird had all dropped by to see Kate as she was packing, asking if she was coming down to the pub. She had felt bad about lying to them, telling them she might come down later, knowing full well that she wouldn't be going. She just hoped that they would understand. After zipping up her bags she said a silent good-bye to Hammersley, her home.

Knowing that she could no longer postpone her first hurdle of the day, and after waiting as long as she could, she headed off to Navcom to see Maxine.

Taking a deep breath, trying to control her nerves, Kate walked up the steps to Navcom. She was not only nervous about the possibility of bumping into Mike, but also about what she was going to do. She let out a small sigh of relief as she approached Maxine's office and saw Mike was not in there, taking another deep breath she knocked on the door. Maxine looked up, surprise written all over her face when she saw it was Kate. "Lieutenant McGregor, I didn't realise we had a meeting today." Maxine said as Kate walked into the office.

"We don't Ma'am, but this won't take long. I was just hoping you might process this for me?" Kate asked nervously handing Maxine a piece of paper.

"And what is this," Maxine replied reading the paper handed to her, "A transfer request, to Perth, for a desk job? Aside from the obvious question of why Perth, why a shore posting? I mean, that's not the best career move for you at this point." Maxine asked taken back by what was happening.

"Ma'am, I need some time and space to sort my life out, I can't do that on another ship or here and I think you know the reasons why." Kate said almost daring Maxine to challenge her before continuing, "And while this might seem like an odd career move, if I decide that it is a career I want, I believe I am good enough to make it back." Kate stated simply. She knew Maxine would have a few questions, so had mentally prepared some responses.

"Ok then?" Still looking somewhat surprised, "but transfer requests are normally handled by a CO, why are you bringing this directly to me?" Maxine asked, trying to find out what had happened between Mike and Kate to prompt the transfer.

"You know why Ma'am, the situation is complicated." Kate started, mentally scoffing at how quickly Maxine seemed to be accepting her transfer request, she didn't even try to talk her out of it. Straightening her back and standing proud, Kate continued trying very hard to control her emotions, "I will inform him that I am leaving, but I will not be telling him where I am going. As I said, I need a break, from here, from him, from everything. That is why I am asking you to process the transfer as soon as possible."

Maxine took a moment to process what was happening. She still wanted to know what had happened to prompt the transfer, but didn't want to question it too much, afraid of the answer. "Ok, I'll process it. Hammersley is on shore leave for a week, and I can have a new XO when they sail again. Good luck in Perth Kate." Maxine said standing to shake Kate's hand as a matter of courtesy.

"Thank you Ma'am," Kate said shaking Maxine's hand and walking out of the office. Kate smiled as she walked out of the office, Maxine had almost sounded sincere when she wished her luck. Perhaps she was sincere, but Kate just couldn't shake the feeling that she was happy she was going.

* * *

As Kate walked out of Navcom she took a deep, cleansing breath, allowing her face to take in the sun for a moment. She knew her decision to go to Perth, and take a desk job ending her chance at a promotion in the immediate future, would seem odd to everyone. It was one of the reasons she couldn't tell the crew, she just didn't have it in her to explain it to everyone.

The truth was, she needed a break. A break from Mike, Jim, Hammersley, and her Navy career ladder. When she first joined the Navy she was completely focussed on her career. Then she met Mike and that all changed. She fell in love and for the first time she began to think about having a life outside the Navy.

After Mike left her, she was devastated. She threw herself into her work and vowed never to let anyone stand in the way of her career goals again. When she was posted back onboard Hammersley with Mike, the thoughts of a life outside the Navy started creeping back into her head, and heart. When Mike had been promoted she was prepared to take that leap of faith and picture their lives together.

But he had made the decision to return to Hammersley without consulting her. She was angry and dissolutioned with Mike and preparing herself to say goodbye. Then, when she thought he had been killed and found him alive, everything else became insignificant. They had each other and that was all they needed. The future they both wanted was within reach.

Then, Mike once again returned to Hammersley without discussing it with Kate, effectively taking away their future. But Kate wasn't ready to give up on a life outside the navy and Jim appeared at exactly the right time.

Jim was offering her everything she wanted. As much as she liked Jim, and possibly even loved him, the more she thought about his offer to move to Sydney for a fresh start and a life together, the more she realised that she was more disappointed to be leaving Mike than leaving Hammersley.

The more she thought about it, Kate realised that her and Mike just wasn't meant to be. Kate knew the love she felt for Mike would stand in the way of starting a relationship with another man, even if the other man was Jim. She couldn't start a life with Jim when she was still in love with Mike. Thinking about it all and making the decision that she couldn't go with Jim, she began to get angry at Mike.

She knew it wasn't rational, and the situation they were currently in wasn't all his fault, but she was angry at their predicament. She was frustrated, exhausted and worn out by the whole situation. If it wasn't for Mike's presence in her heart, she would have gone with Jim. But Jim had been right, Mike had a hold on her and she couldn't seem to break free from it. She had tried for so long. But now she couldn't give in to it either.

There were times throughout their last patrol when she thought that her and Mike could still have a future, but after they way things had ended with his attitude towards Jim, she didn't think they would be able to find their way back. Staying around him, but not being able to be with him, or let go of him was just too painful, so she decided the only way forward for her was to leave and cease all contact. It would be her only chance at finding peace and maybe even happiness.

She needed some time and space to get her head straight and mend her heart.

Time away from Mike, Jim and Hammersley. She could have transferred to another ship but she feared she would go back to her old ways of focussing on work and not thinking about her life. She needed to figure out what, and potentially who she wanted for herself. She needed to take control of her life, instead of it being controlled by Mike, work, or even Jim.

* * *

She took another deep breath and steeled herself for her next conversation – Jim.

Taking her mobile out of her pocket, Kate rang Jim and found that he just finished his debrief with his command. He seemed pleased that she had rung and they agreed to meet at his place.

Arriving at the same time, they were both obviously nervous as they walked toward each other. Not sure of that to do, Jim bent down to give her a kiss on the cheek, "Kate, are you coming in?" he asked hopefully.

With a lump in her throat forming Kate nodded.

Kate followed Jim to the front door, and after unlocking it he moved aside to let her in, guiding her to the kitchen table. Kate sat down and after taking yet another deep breath began. "Jim, I've thought about your proposal," Kate paused to re-gain her composure which was slowly starting to slip further, "and it's everything I've wanted and never thought I would have, but I can't go with you."

Jim took a step back. He truly believed he and Kate were working well together and thought, or at least hoped that she would go with him. "So you and Flynn are going to try and work things out then?" Jim asked, assuming that Mike had ignored him and gotten to Kate.

Kate couldn't help herself and half smirked at his question while shaking her head sadly. "Probably not. But you were right when you said he had a hold over me, and you were also right when you said you deserved to be someone's first choice. As much as I care about you, and maybe even love you..." Kate trailed off and as she looked at Jim she knew she didn't have to say the words.

Jim took a moment to process what was happening. He knew from day one that there were unresolved issues with Mike, and if he was being honest with himself he wasn't surprised that she wasn't coming with him, just disappointed, very disappointed. "At least I gave it a proper shot this time, and it was good to see you again. If you ever change your mind, feel free to look me up." Jim said forcing a smile to make it sound sincere.

"Who knows, maybe there is an alternative universe somewhere where we are married and there is a bunch of mini Kate and Jim's running around and we are all blissfully happy." Kate offered half wishing that she could be living in that universe.

"Yeah, maybe." Jim said with a slight smile picturing what it would be like being married to Kate with their own tribe of children.

"You're a special person Jim, I hope you find someone who understands just how special you are." Kate said quite genuinely, hoping it wasn't sounding patronizing.

"Right back at you. Just be happy. I hope everything works out for you. I meant what I said, you deserve to be happy." Jim said leaning down giving Kate a quick kiss on the cheek, taking in her scent one last time. "I'd better..." Jim started as he motioned for his door. "Good-bye Kate." He said touching her arm one last time before walking her towards his door.

"Good-bye Jim." Kate said, although she wasn't sure he heard her. With the conversation complete, Kate knew she had made the right decision. She cared about Jim a great deal, and knew she could have had a happy life with him. But it wasn't right to build a life with him when she was still in love with someone else.

* * *

As much as she was tired, there was one more conversation that Kate needed to have – she needed to talk to Mike. Picking up the courage, Kate walked to his place.

She was nervous as she knocked on his door. She hadn't thought about what she was going to say or tell him, or how, but knew she couldn't leave without saying anything. He deserved to know. As he opened the door, she saw something similar to relief on his face and was momentarily mesmerized by his eyes. Then she saw his face soften as his lips slowly turned into a smile, and she felt her resolve weaken.

"Kate, I was going to call you, I wanted to see you today, come in," Mike said standing aside for Kate to walk in.

Her resolve may have weakened, but it had not disappeared. "No, I don't think that's a good idea," Kate said as Mike looked slightly confused, "I've been to see Knocker, I've transferred off Hammersley, effective immediately." Kate said in a whisper, a lump forming in her throat and tears starting to form behind her eyelids.

She wasn't too sure what to expect from Mike, but with her resolve weakening and heart slowly breaking into pieces she desperately wanted him to beg her to stay and to give him a chance. She just might have given in to him. But that wasn't his reaction.

"So you're off to Sydney with Jim then." Mike stated somewhat sarcastically, shaking his head slightly, disappointment etching his face.

"Mike...I..." Kate could barely speak. She didn't know how Mike new about Jim's offer to move to Sydney, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to correct him, especially when he raised one hand to her face. His thumb caressing her cheek as his fingers nestled in her hair.

"I won't stop you from being happy Kate. I had just always hoped it would be me that made you happy." Mike said, swallowing hard, Jim's plea to let Kate go ringing in his ears as his other hand had made its way up to Kate's face.

"Part of me will always love you," Kate admitted looking up to Mike's eyes trying to commit his features to her memory, knowing she may never see him again, her hands coming to rest on his arms.

Mike was doing the same, trying to take in everyone of Kate's delicate features. He knew he would never love anyone the way he loved her, he had loved her for so long and couldn't believe he was losing her. He wanted to taste her one more time so pulled her closer for one last kiss.

Kate could not resist.

It was a desperate kiss, but rather than being filled with hope or passion, it was filled with sadness, sadness for a love that was never allowed to eventuate into a relationship and sadness for a life that could have been. Pulling back, Mike rested his forehead on Kate's, pausing for a moment before opening his eyes. "Good-bye," He said, holding back the tears he knew were coming.

"Bye." Kate responded, taking a step back, releasing herself from Mike's touch. They both took one more moment to look at the other before Kate turned to walk away, and Mike turned to walk back inside.

If either of them had looked back, they would have seen the others heart breaking as tears rolled freely down their cheeks. Only neither did. Kate kept walking while Mike walked inside, closing his door.

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_Authors Notes: This was originally my final chapter, but I was convinced to write an epilogue, so let me know if you think it should end here or would like to read the epilogue :)_


	14. Chapter 14

_Authors Notes: For those who liked where the last chatper ended, you may not want to read this chapter...for those who like a somewhat happier ending I hope you enjoy the final chapter of this story. I did consider a complete re-write of this chapter, but then I also promised the true MK'ers to keep the faith so left it as is. Thanks to everyone for reading/following and most of all reviewing. Enjoy :)_

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Chapter 14

Despite Mike's insistence that he wanted to be left alone, Maxine and Ryan turned up at his place with dinner in hand. Standing at his front door he contemplated sending them away. He was not in the mood for company, but politeness prevailed and he let them in. Dinner was strained, Mike's throat was so constricted by the big lump that had settled there that he found it impossible to speak, let alone eat.

Both Maxine and Ryan tried to engage Mike into a conversation, but Mike barely spoke to either of them, even when they were asking him questions directly he would just mumble something barely audible and go back to pushing food around his plate, which didn't go unnoticed by Maxine and Ryan. It didn't escape Maxine's attention either that he was barely drinking. There was a half drunk beer on his kitchen bench, and he had barely touched his glass of wine.

Somewhere though the evening Maxine had started cracking her knuckles, it was a nervous habit she had formed years ago and never broken. While Mike was too absorbed in his own misery to notice it, eventually Ryan did and snapped.

"Ok Mum, what are you hiding?" Ryan asked sounding a little harsher than he meant. Maxine just looked at him a little confused before he explained, "Whenever you're nervous or hiding something you crack your knuckles. And you can't be nervous, we're just having dinner, so what are you hiding?"

The question was enough to at least make Mike pay attention as he looked up and watched Maxine's reaction. He knew Ryan was right, but he didn't really care. He had lost Kate and didn't care about anything else. Mike lowered his eyes again, and when he did, something inside Maxine snapped, feeling guilty for his misery that she knew she was partly to blame for. She reached out and placed a hand on his arm to try and get his attention. "Mike, it's about Kate."

Mike glanced at Maxine before lowering his eyes again. "I don't want to talk about Kate, Maxine. She is going to Sydney with Jim. She's gone." Mike choked out defeated. He was past sad, past depressed; he had shed too many tears already. He just felt empty and numb.

Maxine didn't know what to do. She was watching her friend falling apart before her eyes. She had two options: Tell him that Kate was going to Perth alone, or say nothing and hope he would return to his normal self. Kate had asked her not to say anything about where she was going, and on some level she had to respect her wishes.

She also still didn't know what had happened to prompt her to transfer – even if she told him would it make a difference? In the end, she just couldn't handle seeing him hurting so much. She had never seen him like this, he had been bad once before, years ago, but not like this. He looked completely and utterly broken. Making up her mind that he deserved the truth, "Mike, Kate is not going to Sydney, she's going to Perth, and committing career suicide in the process..." Maxine continued but Mike wasn't listening anymore.

All he heard was Kate was going to Perth, not Sydney, which meant she wasn't with Jim. A million thoughts ran through is head. Why didn't she tell him? Why did she lie? Why would she leave them both? But he couldn't help the smile spreading across his face. She wasn't with Jim. He still had a chance. He probably should have thought it through more, but the adrenaline kicked in and he couldn't stop. Cutting Maxine off, he spoke for the first time that night. "Sorry Max, I have to go. Let yourselves out and lock the door behind you.." Mike said running out of his house.

He wasn't entirely sure why he ran to Kate's house instead of driving, all he knew was that he had to get there as fast as he could.

After Kate had seen Mike earlier in the day, she was exhausted from the continuous losing battle of trying to hold onto him. Arriving back at her place she was too tired to think clearly, so instead grabbed a bottle of wine, a glass and took up residence on her couch where she remained for the rest of the afternoon and evening.

There was so much she needed to do for her move, but couldn't bring herself to do anything. So she sat, quietly, on her couch, mentally trying to make a list of what she needed to do. At some point she dozed off, and probably would have stayed there all night if she wasn't woken up by a loud knocking at her door with someone calling out her name. She didn't need to hear the voice, she knew the knock. It was Mike.

She couldn't handle seeing him again, so sat quietly hoping he would go away, but her plan failed. There were a few more knocks at the door and calls of her name before she heard her door being opened. If she hadn't been so exhausted when she came home she would have remembered to lock the door, but in the state she was in it was a wonder she closed it. When she heard him coming down the hallway she knew she was going to have to talk to him again.

The footsteps stopped, Kate could smell his aftershave and knew he was very close, but she couldn't face him. It was too painful. Instead, sounding more angry than she meant, she said "You know, when someone doesn't answer their door, it isn't an invitation to open it and walk in."

"OK, so tell me why you lied to me and I'll leave." Mike said as Kate turned around to face him, confusion all over her face, "You said you were going to Sydney with Jim, when you're actually going to Perth...alone, why did you lie."

Kate rolled her eyes and half smirked. "I never said I was going to Sydney. You assumed, I just didn't correct you."

"So why aren't you going? I thought Jim was offering you everything you wanted for your life?" Mike asked getting more desperate by the second.

Kate's head was spinning and her heart was racing, she couldn't work out what was going on. When she had left Mike earlier she desperately wanted him to ask her to stay. And now, he was here in her living room, and she could not understand why. Was it just out of relief because he found out she wasn't leaving with Jim, or did he actually want to make a commitment to her? They had been here so many times before and they had never managed to get things right. She knew she couldn't survive another failed attempt.

Kate took one look at Mike and knew she couldn't lie, even if it was to protect herself, she couldn't lie to Mike. "Because he isn't you." Kate whispered, turning her gaze down.

Mike's heart was beating outside his chest. He didn't know for sure if he had just heard what he thought he heard, but there was no way he was going to ask her to repeat it in case he was wrong. He still couldn't believe that she hadn't left with Jim. And that she hadn't gone because Jim wasn't him. Did that mean she still loved him? That she still wanted a future with him? He had no idea how this was going to go, all he knew was that he wasn't leaving without Kate knowing how he felt, and what he wanted.

"Not so long ago, I made you a promise. I said that I would back off, but as soon as I was off the ship I'd be back, that I wasn't ready to give up on us. It might be you that has transferred, but I'm back, and I'm still not ready to give up on us." Mike said, trying to control his nerves and with his heart pumping through his throat he inched closer to Kate.

"Mike, how many times have we been here? And now where here again, when we are about to be posted on opposite sides of the country. I mean, how do you expect this to work. We would never see each other." Kate said, not realising she was inching closer to Mike as well.

"I have no idea how it's going to work. All I know is that for a few hours today I thought I had lost you forever and I felt...I just felt...empty. I felt like the world has crashed on top of me..." Mike said with a vulnerability to his voice that Kate hadn't heard before. "I can transfer to Perth, and if there are no postings I can take leave. Or we could talk to Maxine; see if we can't sort something out in Cairns. Or we could both pack it in, invest everything in a yacht and spend our time sailing around the world." Mike said with a slight smile, unable to hide his joy at the idea of spending his days sailing the ocean with Kate. "But all that is secondary. There is one question you need to answer first. You and me, no rules, no regulations, no hiding. We give 'us' a real go. All or nothing. Are you in?" Mike asked with a slight smile still on his face, and voice almost sounding confident, although even he was unable to hide all his nerves.

""I'm scared Mike, if we did..." Kate started before Mike cut her off.

"The question wasn't whether or not you are scared Kate, I'm scared too. It was whether or not you want to give us a real shot." Mike said, inching closer to Kate again.

"No regulations?" Kate asked, stepping closer to Mike.

"No regulations." Mike nodded in response.

"And no hiding?" Kate asked, getting closer still to Mike.

"If you want, I'll take you down to the base now and show you exactly what I mean by no hiding." Mike said taking the final steps to close the gap between himself and Kate. He reached up, gently cupping her face with his hand, tilting it up so that she was forced to look him in the eye. "I love you Kate."

Kate's heart and head were running at a million miles a second. She had waited for this moment for so long, but her first instinct was still to protect herself. In reality she was about to move to Perth. Where would they live? Would they both stay in the Navy, or would one or both leave? And if they left, what would they actually do? "Mike there are so many..." Kate started before Mike cut her off.

"I love you." He repeated softly.

"Mike..." Kate whispered as her eyes looked away from Mike. She wanted to give in, wanted to tell him she felt the same way and begin their lives together, but she was scared.

"I love you." He repeated again, leaning down to rest his forehead on hers, their noses touching. His arms reaching around behind her back, pulling her body even closer to his. He was so close now and he knew it. He was desperate to let his lips fall onto hers and show her exactly how much he meant what he was saying. But he couldn't yet. If this was going to work, he needed her to make the same commitment to him. Knowing that someone loved you was one thing, but hearing it was another. As close as they had been, they had never actually said 'I love you' and now Mike had said it three times, and needed to hear her say it before they could actually move forward.

His heart was beating so fast he was sure Kate would be able to feel it. The longer the silence lasted, the more Mike started to panic that Kate would not be able to say it. Just when he didn't think he could take the silence any longer, he saw Kate's face change. Here eye's softened and her lips began to form a smile. Then he felt her hands moving up his back, forcing her body to press against his.

"I love you Mike," Kate said, her beaming smile now reflected by Mike's as they both took a few seconds to enjoy the moment that had just passed between them. And then they couldn't hold back anymore.

Their kiss was frantic and desperate at the start, before it slowed and intensified, both trying to commit every moment to memory. They had come so close to losing each other forever, and now they were here, telling each other that they loved the other over and over. As Mike moved to take Kate to the couch he tripped on the coffee table, breaking the intensity of the moment but not the intimacy. They both laughed a little as they continued to kiss, their hands roaming each other's bodies.

"Would you really have done this down on the base?" Kate asked playfully, enjoying being able to tease Mike. She knew he wasn't a fan of big public displays of affection, but then neither was she.

"All right, come on," Mike said getting up of the couch, pulling Kate up with him, taking her hand and pulling her towards the door.

"Mike what are you doing?" Kate said laughing, enjoying seeing the impulsive side of Mike.

"You want proof that this is serious, so..." Mike started taking a step back to kiss Kate, "I'm taking you down to the base," he stopped to kiss Kate again, "or the pub, or anywhere else you want to go, and I'm going to do this..." he paused again to kiss Kate passionately, "and this..." kissing down her jaw line, "and this..." He said pushing Kate against the wall kissing down her neck.

"Well, that's one option," Kate said trying to maintain some composure, "but there are a couple of other things we could do instead that can't really be done in public," Kate said raising one eyebrow and playfully kissing Mike while unbuttoning his shirt.

"Your right." Mike said picking Kate up taking her into her bedroom. "The base can wait for tomorrow."

"Or the next day," Kate said, enjoying that there was going to be a tomorrow and the next day.

"Or the day after," Mike said, placing Kate down on the bed, his heart skipping a beat as he looked at her. It wasn't like they hadn't done this before, but this time was different and they both knew it. They both had to take a moment to take a deep breath, before they both smiled and continued what they had started. They knew this was just the start of their life together.

_Fin._


End file.
